Sadness

Leaving doesn't make people sad. You can have a going away party, it is your right. Hell you can have three if you're so inclined. People say all the time "I'm so sad you're leaving." When I left everyone I know told me that. When you leave people give you cards, hugs, kisses, well-wishes, gift certificates, and anything else that could possibly accompany "goodbye." People shed tears, get choked up, get reminiscent. A lot of times the people closest to you don't really know what to say, don't know how to treat the situation. Leaving is a complicated thing but it doesn't make people sad. It's a chance to reinvent yourself, to change the aspects of yourself you don't like, to enhance the parts of you that you and the people around you like. Leaving offers the rare chance, perhaps once in a lifetime chance, to start anew. A new beginning is a lifesaver for a lot of people. Some days I place myself in that "leaving was a lifesaver" category. Other days I find that particular categorization mellowdramatic and cheesy, all the while realizing that some aspects of it were all too true and telling of a life I had fallen into. Leaving doesn't make people sad though. Leaving is a lot of things but it's not something to bring sadness. People leave all the time. I leave my apartment for school everyday. I leave school for my apartment everyday. I'll leave Chicago for a few days. No one is going to be sad, not my roommates, classmates or friends. People, friends back home weren't sad that I was leaving. The sadness comes from knowing I'm never coming back. At least not coming back as the person I was. Sure, I'll come home for a visit, and I'm sure I'll see a lot of those kids again, but when I see them I won't be who I was when I left. When I left, I left a lot of stuff behind. A lot of stuff I absolutely hated about myself. That stuff, that baggage, regardless of how bad it was, made me who I was then, but won't ever be who I am again. Since I've left I've learned more than I'd ever imagined about myself, about the world, about law (fortunately), about what it's like to not know anyone. I've learned so much that I'll never ever be the same. You just have to hope that the person they loved is the same person that emerges after you leave. You've gotta hope all that baggage, those habits, that lifestyle wasn't what they loved but that it was you. Just you, whoever that may be. If it takes leaving to figure out who that is, than so be it. I left. People aren't sad you're leaving, just sad that you're never coming back.
Lyric of the Day
"When I was drinking when I was with you,
living it up when the rent was due,
with nothing and no one to live up to,
you and me dying on the vine,
holding hands and drinking wine,
now i'm not the same girl i left behind with you."
-Hem When I Was Drinking