Small Town

Living in the city, though I love it, does make me miss small towns a little. I know I'm destined to work at some high power, high stress firm and live in a busy city for at least a large portion of my life. I would like to settle down somewhere quiet though-maybe move to the northwest, open some hole in the wall diner or something. I love this city so much but I really don't think I could live here at say 50 or something. There's just something quaint and charming about a small town where everyone knows everyone. The suburbs don't have that charm-they're like generic towns. I would just like to end up in a place where you see the same people drinking the same coffee at the same place every morning. More importanly, I want to OWN a place like that. But damn, I really do love the city.

Today

Yesterday I felt like shooting myself. It was raining, I was sick, I had a ridiculous amount of work to do, I was feeling completely overwhelmed. Today it didn't really rain, I feel better, and I still have a shitload of work to do-but not an overwhelming crushing amount like yesterday. Still though, not all that much is different. Why the hell was I such a miserable human being yesterday? It had nothing to do with sleep, I got plenty of that. I was sick but really I don't feel all that better-better but only marginally so. I'm still not close to done with my paper, although it's coming along pretty well. What's the difference.










Breakfeast.

Tough Day

I thought about quitting for the first time today. Up until now, the notion hadn't even crossed my mind. A couple people have dropped this past week and the envy is overflowing in our section. I would KILL just to work a Friday night at Locos and sit up there with those kids getting hammered until the sun came up. That's what I really need, I need a little taste of home. A little home cooking, a little drinking on North campus or at Locos. All I want tonight though is for my pounding headache to be gone in the morning, to be able to breathe when I wake up, for it not to be raining anymore, for my fucking writing assignment to be done and to not get called on. I know all my wishes aren't going to come true, but if a bunch of them don't I'm gonna crack. Good thing a couple of good people were there to encourage me tonight. I'm delirious, I'm going to bed.

• Starbucks' largest size coffee is a little ridiculous don't you think?
• Right now someone is moshing.
• Hey so all you fashionistas that bought those 200 dollar, pre-worn, pre-holed jeans-how they working out for you know that the Chicago wind and cold are here. You like that, you like that wind getting to your legs through your pretorn jeans? You're not the fucking Strokes okay, buy some normal fucking jeans.
• For Halloween, i'm gonna be.....................poor.

Drunk/Sober Characteristics

So I've decided that to become a well rounded person you can try to combine your drunk and sober personalities. See if I could take all the things I like about how I act when I'm drunk and bring them into my sober life, things would be great. I think I'm a better listener when I'm drunk. I'm more spontaneous, I worry less, I'm more sociable. If I could bring those things to my sober personality, I think I'd be more well-rounded in a bizarre kind of way. Now we all know we do things and say things when we're drunk that we wish we wouldn't, but stuff like that is significantly harder to eliminate than the converse. I think one of the things that has changed about me over the years is that I am able to bring some of those drunk characteristics into my sober personality. I'm considerably more sociable, more outspoken than I used to be. I certainly don't worry as much as I used to and I'm much much much more spontaneous. Okay, I'm not that spontaneous now, but jeeze before it was downright boring. I think that so many people drink to bring out that side of them that they can't express sober. I think that was one of the problems back in Athens-I drank to bring that out. Now I feel like I'm just making that side of me that I like come out on a daily basis. Not to mention I've been pretty good about not saying or doing stupid shit during those oh so hazy nights. Knock on wood.
-I cooked an awesome dinner with my roomate Kristen tonight and it was just really fun. The dinner by the way was sausage, pepper and scallion stuffed acorn squash basted in molasses-it was ridiculous. I felt like I laughed pretty hard and had a genuinely fun night without going out and going nuts. I didn't really drink and still laughed, still had a great time. It's nice to be living a healthier lifestyle-well at least compared to before. It's great that I just randomly fell into a living situation with such genuinely good and fun people. Although I'm not gonna lie, once in a while I miss the drama. I'm sure they'll be plenty to come.
Lyrics:
"But this Georgia voice couldn't cut through that Illinois rain."
Hope For A Golden Summer-Midwest

Family

Today in Starbucks there was a family of about 6 or so sitting at a table across from me. I had my Ipod on and was reading Con Law, but couldn't help but notice them. The first thing that drew my attention was the Auburn sweatshirt one of the girls was wearing-you don't see many SEC kids in this neck of the woods. The thing that kept distracting me though was how quiet they were. They were all sitting there staring at each other and just not saying much. They didn't have magazines or newspapers, just lattes and silence. It was so strange to look at this family and compare it to mine. I mean, I really think that it's more likely one would find my family in a Starbucks screaming at each other about politics than find them sitting at Starbucks in silence. It's such a strange thing, silence. This family was the awkward equivalent of running into an ex with your current girlfriend. When I saw the Auburn shirt, I really wanted to say something to her-make a joke about how I hate Auburn-but when I saw this family there was no way. It's tough to judge why they would be like this, whether there's some underlying tension between everyone, or if they're just tired, or if they're just not a loving family. Hell, maybe they just don't like to talk. All I know is that I'm glad my family isn't like that. Much rather have to beg someone to shut up than sit around trying to think of something to say. Made me appreciate my family's (both extended and immediate) love for babbling-even though sometimes it drives me nuts. God I'm gonna be so good in the Christmas Political Debates. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna win. Dirty Republicans.
Lyric:
"You make everybody feel like a guest."
-The Mendoza Line
Do you think that's a compliment or an insult? Presumably you treat guests well but don't people always say "make yourself at home." I think it might be an insult-wouldn't it be better to say "You make everybody feel like family." I don't know.

A Reunion

How weird would it be to get everyone you've ever been close to together for one big party, or weekend or something. It'd be weird because so many friendships would overlap. At the same time there'd be all this unspoken animosity because of the shit you've talked to friends about this person, or that person-and if they were at any point close to you, they'd be there. I'm not talking like close as in college, or recently, or presently, but like EVER. Well, let's say back to the start of high school. All those awkward crushes, all those friends long gone, those hook ups, all those people that you realized you didn't need anymore in your life. The people that had fucked you over, the people whom you had grown apart from. People that hurt you and people you still loved. I wonder what'd it'd be like, if it'd be fun or miserable. It'll never happen obviously-people are far too transient these days, but the very notion is intriguing, or at the very least potentially hilarious. I think my party would be pretty fun. I'd like to think that most of the people I've been close to in my life are good people and that if i got them all together it'd be a good time. Who knows though, I'm sure there are some people that I've been friends with in the past that hate each other-or worse, hate me. Wow, if I was a reality TV producer, this would be my show. Get one person and find EVERYONE they've ever been friends with or loved and put them all on an island for a month. Imagine the hook ups, the drama, great television. I guess you couldn't include family-at least not parents-that'd take away from the sex factor I think. Still, good good television, by America's standards.
Lyric of the Day:
"If I was the Grand Canyon, I'd echoe everything you'd say."
-The Magnetic Fields.

When i'm tired I reminisce

I've been up since 530 this morning. It's 1140 now. This weekend with Joe was great, it reminded me a lot of being back home. Things just fell back into how they used to be which was weird considering it had been quite a while since I had hung out with joe on a regular basis. But now, now I'm tired. I've been reading all day. My war wounds are highlighter hands. Fucking covered in neon yellow. My eyes are getting blurry. I didn't eat a very good dinner-left over hamburgers sans bun, and that's it. I worked my ass off at the gym like I was punishing myself for something. I'm sore already. Nights like this, when I'm down to the last scraps of energy i've got- i tend to reminisce about old times, remember friends. It's nice to fall asleep with thoughts of the great people you've left behind. The memories aren't really sad anymore, they make me laugh out loud sometimes. At school, I mostly listen to stories of drunken nights told by my fellow law students because few people would believe a lot of the ones I've got. A couple:

• Ending up with Angie and Brent at some random guys hot tub, wasted and getting really creeped out when he refused to give us towels and really didn't want us to leave.
• Getting in a fight with a bouncer freshmen year-Tim, Andy and I would've gotten our asses handed to us had the cops not come and saved us.
• Cake fight.
• Driving around Athens looking for Andy's car that he drunkenly crashed into a ditch.
• Fighting in a giant blow up boxing ring with giant blow up boxing gloves.
• Driving Justin to the hospital after he got his head cracked open with a pint glass.
• Serving an ungodly amount of Jaggerbombs at Angies going away party, and watching the sun come up, buzzed and exhausted from a crazy 12 hour shift.
• Trivia nights in general, but especially those with Dave and Jamie.
• Borrowing beer on Sunday nights
• Crazy weird parties that always seemed to end up at Angie's on Sunday nights.

I've heard Locos isn't the same. It's not because I left, it's because a lot of people left. I don't know if I hate the idea that the place isn't like it used to be or if it makes me secretly and selfishly happy. I hope that people in the future can experience the same kind of friendships, craziness, and pseudo relationships I did. It sounds bad, but nothing has taught me what that place did. Nothing has made me behave more reprehensibly, nothing has made me in the end a better person, nowhere has developed as much a work ethic as that place did in me, and nothing taught me about how to talk to people, confront people, and care about people like that place did. I hate some of the stuff I did there, but I love that I worked there. Like I've always said, working at Locos was the best and worst decision of my life.

Today's songs

"Can't you see I'm trying, I don't even like it I'd just love to get to your apartment." "Love, on the rocks with no ice." "We'll make it up as we go along, feet on the ground, head in the sky, I know nothing's wrong." "My arms, my legs, have grown to tired...could you be inspired? No, I'm just tired." "I'm afraid of letting go, of everything I know, so I just sadly float away downstream, smiling at the leaves." "I will show you all you need to know, you must hold on to anyone that wants you." "All this force fed pop culture staying up late wondering what the fuck is this?" "Don't get high on what you create." (I'm not even sure that's the words-it's broken social scene, how often can you really understand what the fuck they're saying.) "You know our hearts beat time out very slowly, You know our hearts beat time, They're waiting for something that'll never arrive."
-Pretty good little clip of songs, it made writing a fact to fact analysis significantly less painfull.

When I Grow Up

It's kind of weird to think that I've pretty much made my mind about what I want to be when I grow up. Granted, I in no way have narrowed down what type of law I want to practice, but nevertheless I will be practicing law. It's just bizarre to think that you spend the first 20 years of your life trying to figure out what you want to do with your life, and someday you just stumble into it. I wasn't exactly crazy about the prospect of law school for very much of my undergraduate years-it was basically something that became a lucrative option late in my career at UGA. It seemed like a pretty good idea, so I went for it knowing relatively little about the day to day practice of a typical lawyer. I really didn't know at all what is involved in the job, the education, anything about the legal industry in general. Sure I had some superificial idea about what went on, what was required of the education but I certainly didn't comprehend the riggors of the day to day classwork and reading. I still don't understand the day to day riggors of a firm, or an in-house position. It is all still very foreign but what I have learned has only made me more curious, more optimistic about the future. I went to a discussion with a senior partner at a relative large and prestigious firm and he was telling us about how incredibly lost he was his first year. He said he had no idea what was going on, his writing was horrible, his grades were "hilarious." The guy was probably 40 and, as a shareholding partner, was sitting very, very pretty. He told us about the intangibles that you can't teach and you can't learn: work ethic, fitting in with the culture of the firm, not being a jerk, being a genuinely good person. I don't know it made me feel good. Funny thing, he hires a lot of summer associates and junior associates and told us the other day that a young 26 year old junior associate walked into his office at about 7pm on a Friday and said "Hey Paul, I'm gonna head out, is there anything I can do for you before I leave." He said statements and attitudes like that are one of most important things to him in selecting who helps hire and promote. The whole thing made me feel good about the cuthroatedness (that's not a word) of the entire industry. Alright, he is an IP lawyer, who are by reputation the most liberal and kind attorneys in the legal industry, but still. Maybe it's not just raw intellect and how much your willing to backstab and sabotage. Sometimes it just has to do with what kind of person you are. And by sometimes I mean very, very rarely. Oh well. Here's to being an asshole in training.
Movie Quote (maybe my favorite of all time):
"Why shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.? That's a tough one, but I'll give it a shot. Say I'm working at N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. So I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, 'cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people I never had a problem with get killed. Now the politicians are sayin', "Send in the marines to secure the area" 'cause they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number was called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some guy from Southie takin' shrapnel in the ass. And he comes home to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, 'cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile my buddy from Southie realizes the only reason he was over there was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And of course the oil companies used the skirmish to scare up oil prices so they could turn a quick buck. A cute little ancillary benefit for them but it ain't helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. And naturally they're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So my buddy's out of work and he can't afford to drive, so he's got to walk to the job interviews, which sucks 'cause the shrapnel in his ass is givin' him chronic hemorrhoids. And meanwhile he's starvin' 'cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what do I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. Why not just shoot my buddy, take his job and give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president."
-You should probably just know the movie really.

Worn

• They changed the maniquins outfits from fall to winter today at the Gap.
• I gave a bumb change for the first time since I moved today. What do you think it's like asking for change for the first time?
• I opened a little girl's Coke for her.
• I read, all fucking day.
• I went to school without my Ipod for the first time in a long time. It was out of batteries.
• A potentially crazy awkward day was actually kind of endearing in a way. Some kids in my section are pretty great.
• My Con law professor said "JAG Office" and had no idea what he said was funny.
• I outlined torts for like 3 hours. It was terrible.
• I read the worst music review of my life. Tiny mixtapes really blows sometimes. The guy reviews the album based on one song because that one song was so catchy he couldn't get passed it. Come on now, even indie kids with the greatest of street cred can't pull that off.
• Hope For A Golden Summer got to me.

Lyrics of the Day:

"No more whiskey slurs, no more blonde haired girls."

Weekend

Had our boat cruise-basically and all you can eat and drink extravaganza. Kind of funny to see everyone so wasted. Things went well though, I'm pretty sure I wasn't the drunkest guy there-think that award went to this asshole that's 26 and married but took off his wedding ring the whole night and called a girl a slut when she turned down his advances. That guys gonna have to hang his head in shame tommorrow. Everyone came back to my place-one person spent the night and as my roommate so eloquently put it-was attractive enough to boost my "street cred". It was cool though, I really hit it off with her, she's a really cool girl. She made the potentially terrible next morning (something I had never really experienced until Chicago) hilarious and fun instead of painfully awkward. So I think things went well. Georgia won and are now officially National Championship contenders. Falcons lost in a heartbreaker-Braves were eliminated in the longest game in post season history. The weekend wasn't perfect, but it was pretty damn fun.

Great weekend ahead

It's fall kids. Felt like it today with a high of about 58. Tommorrow is the law school boat (booze) cruise which should be fantastic. Finally gonna get to bust out the BR Sport coat. We've got the Braves in the playoffs all weekend, Georgia at Tennessee, Falcons against the Pats, and an abundance of great matchups in college football this week. Kind of funny, a lot of people from my past seem to be popping up this week. I'm sure it's a coincidence but it makes me feel good. I hope this weekend is as great as it's set up to be. I'm so excited I can't even be creative or funny.
Lyrics
"I don't want you to be alone, to be alone, to be alone down there."
-Modest Mouse Alone Down There -funniest part about modest mouse lyrics is that you can pick out at least one line from every song that, when out of context, could seem sweet, endearing or profound. When the lines are read in the context of the song though they are never sweet, endearing and are rarely profound. Best away message band ever.

Bragging rights

There's not much I would brag about. Even things I'm good at-school, cooking, stuff like that, I'm not good enough to warrant being a cocky bastard and bragging about it. I make decent grades, I'm a pretty damn good cook and manager on a Friday night but still, I wouldn't really say this to anyone. But there is one thing I'm not afraid to brag about. Poker. I'm pretty good. In fact, I'm very good. It's been so long since I've lost more than a few dollars- I really can't remember. I took 120 off some friends from my section tonight. The last big game was at a casino where i walked away with 300 and change. I'm very good and you don't really want to play with me. Of course I'm humbled once in a while-playing with the kids trammy used to role with certainly humbled me-nothing like people taking money off you like you've never played before. Still though, I'm very good and it's one thing that I'm not afraid to brag about.

Frontier

America has long been fascinated with frontiers. Definition: Frontier-A region just beyond or at the edge of a settled area. I think this is the best definition because it encompasses both the physical as in a frontier of land and the non-physical, like the frontier of something abstract such as science. I don't know the underlying sociological, political, religious or economic reasons for American's fascination with frontiers. All I know is that for the first time I feel like I'm approaching a frontier. Something about learning about the law, learning about its evolution, how it is created, learning about its frontiers is fascinating in a horribly boring and dorky way. It's weird because I'm trying to reconcile why here, in Chicago, I am so happy and back home with so many amazing friends and such such a loving family, I tended to get so depressed. I've written before about how my motivations are different, how I'm drinking less. I suppose I'm exercising on a regular basis that should have something to do with. Still, it's troubling to know that what I had back home wasn't enough to make me happy and that here, I'm completely lacking so many of those things I had, but am still incredibly incredibly happy. I mean, I don't get enough sleep, I work my mind a lot harder than I had to, I have no family to speak of in the area, I don't have a car or a lot of money, I don't have a girlfriend, I have a couple of pretty good friends but not friends like the ones I had back home. It's strange. Don't get me wrong I'm glad I'm happy, but there's still that question of why I wasn't back in Athens. I suppose its a combination of all the changes that have happened-being healthier physically, challenging myself mentally again, getting not enough sleep but doing it on a healthier schedule. Who knows. Still I think there is something to be said about frontiers and the fact that I'm at some frontiers in my life right now. I'm at a social frontier-having to make new friends, having no family to fall back on within a couple hundred miles. I'm at an intellectual frontier-having to challenge my mind on a daily basis to understand the complex concepts involved in the law. I'm at I suppose a physical frontier in that I'm farther from home than I've ever been. There are frontiers of the city I encounter everyday-I haven't been north of this street, west of that street, out in this neighboorhood, etc. I mean I guess I'm using a very very liberal definition of the word. In all actuality the only reason I wrote this post and thought about frontiers is because I just listened to a song that had the word in the lyrics and it triggered this line of thought. I don't know if there is any substance to this whatsoever, but thinking about things helps me reconcile why I wasn't happy back home and understand just what aspects of my life are different and how those aspects result in happiness.
-Why does Chicago seem to have the most cell phone that hang from your ear (you know the handless ones) per capita and not one person is ever talking on them. What're we trying to be like Old Navy employees here. I mean honestly, are handless cell phones really necessary if you're riding the bus. You don't have a car. Holding a cell phone to your ear poses no threat to anyone. There should be requirements for these people to keep them from looking like fools. You should have to talk on your cell phone for at minimum 2,000 minutes per month and you should also be required to drive on a regular basis. This Navy Pier employee was riding the bus today and had one on. I wanted to be like "Dude, you really think that's the best way to spend that 3 dollars an hour plus tips?" The only person I've ever met that should own one of these monstrocities is my mom.
Lyric of The Day:
"I count the days the Great Frontier
Forgiving, faced the seventh year
I stand in awe of gratefulness
I can and call forgetfulness"
Sufjan Stevens The Tallest Man, The Broadest Shoulders: Part I: The Great Frontier/Part II: Come To Me Only With Playthings Now -for the record the second longest song title on Illinoise.

Too tired to be creative.

Today was a day of endurance. The 7am wake up call. Read on the bus to class, read for the half hour before class, read during lunch, read on the bus on the way home, ate something, read on the bus to Dan's, outlined until 1030 with Dan and Sara and read on the bus home. Fucking eyes are killing me. I'm not gonna get enough sleep tonight, I didn't get enough last night and I really don't see myself catching up any night these week. Not to mention the bus ride to Dan's was a nightmare. I sat on the back row near the engine sweating my ass off because the seat was like 300 degrees, the bus was 80 degrees and packed. On top of that I have this crazy homeless black woman sitting next to me yelling at me about how the white man is keeping her down and then, inexplicably, making a counter argument to a response I never even said. An example:
"George Bush just nominatin' that woman because he want to keep the black man down. Ya'll been keeping the black man down since slavery. All ya'll wanna do is keep the black man down."
-Silence, no response from me. She turns to me.
"No, no, no, that ain't no argument. You just don't get it son, you just don't get it."
-Umm okay, yeah I don't get it. Wait I'm probably the most liberal person this woman has ever had an imaginary conversation with. Just turn up the volume on the Ipod. Keep going, okay fine, max volume. Seriously this imaginary shouting match went on for the entire bus ride-like 30 minutes in rush hour traffic. By the end I was so frustrated. I was so close to turning to her and being like "tell someone who gives a shit and shut the fuck up so I can enjoy the ride through the park and not have to avoid eye contact with you you crazy crazy witch woman." Obviously I didn't say that, and later even felt bad for thinking it, letting myself get that hostle. Don't usually get like that much anymore but I'm really really tired. And finally-fuck the President and his anticlimactic Supreme Court nomination. He appoints his lawyer?-shady but almost so shady that it's not controversial. This post is incoherent babble and not even very funny. One of those days (does that count as a one liner?).

CD's

Why do the following CD's have to come out within two weeks of each other?: The new:
Fionna Apple,
My Morning Jacket,
Wolf Parade,
Blackalicious,
Broken Social Scene,
the Go Team,
Franz Ferdinand,
Magic Numbers.
And why do I live three blocks from a Virgin Megastore. That was a terrible idea.