Ending

Sometimes I wonder how every era of my life is going to come to an end. This past couple of months have made me realize that I live these lifestyles, work these jobs, I be this person, and eventually I just end it. I break clean. I did it in highschool. Did it in college. Did it between college and law school. I'd like to think that when I'm breaking these ties I have to certain things, that I'm unaware, that it's a slow evolution into something that wasn't intended. Or that what has ended wasn't intended to end so abruptly or so completely. But when I look back, having lived a little more life, and having some perspective on things, I know that my ending certain eras of my life is completely deliberate. It's not gradual, things didn't fade, I didn't outgrow certain things. I just end it and move on. For example: Working at Locos-I stopped working in like mid July, a good month or two before I had to be in Chicago. I went from working 40-50 hour work weeks to not stepping foot in the place. I moved back home, I lived with my parents for a few weeks. I didn't go back very often. Maybe once or twice for a night or two. I made a clean break from my life and my friends back there, and when I look back on that and how I went about things I feel like shit. There's not one person back there that I think would blame me or look down on me for how I went about things, but I could've done it better, I could've been a better friend, better person in general. See the thing is, I've come to terms with how all that ended. I've come to understand the fact that I'm happier than I've ever been in my entire life here in Chicago. I wouldn't trade this place for anywhere in the world. It sounds selfish, but I wouldn't trade my happiness here for anything back there. I really wouldn't. But still, I remember times at Locos where I thought, "you know, i've never been happier, I may never be this happy again." And now I am happier. Still, the fact that I walked away from that place so easily worries me. I mean, I thought I'd be a mess leaving everything behind-leaving such a substantial part of my life in the dust. But just like high school, I wasn't. I didn't cry, I didn't go back much, and I probably won't ever really return. That all worries me so much now. How maybe now, whatever the happiness I've found-maybe that all will fade. Maybe it's artificial. Maybe I'll be able to someday walk away from these people and this place as easily as I walked away from Sandy Creek High School, The University of Georgia, and Locos. When the hell am I gonna find a place that chokes me up when I walk away from it?
Lyric:
"I found out I often disagree. They say there is something wrong with me. I don't even listen to them anymore." Shout Out Louds Oh Sweetheart