Commercials I Like

• The Pontiac Solstice and Torents commercials with M83 in the background. Perhaps something only known to music snobs: The song is called "Don't Save Us From the Flames." Perhaps this is a message you would not want to convey to future car purchasers.
• The Nike commercial with the alarm clock going off and people getting up to go work out really early. Not that I ever do this really, but it's something to aspire to.
• The Cingular commercial where the guy is waiting for the call from "Laura."
• The sprint mobile to mobile commercial with the guys dancing like white guys to the ridiculous song. Even though two-way pagers are incredibly annoying.
• The Diamond is Forever one with the two middle aged people getting "married" again in some square in Europe in front of the woman's parents. Yeah, like that ever happens.

Packing

• One can of diet coke. One 16.9 ounce Ice Mountain bottled water. One, sometimes two Zone Bars or Nature's Valley granola bars. Or if I'm really wild, one of each. If it's Tuesday, a fruit, usually a granny smith apple or an orange.
• One Contracts and Related Obligations Book (complete shit by the way).
• One Criminal Law Book.
• Three Westlaw printed cases: Atkins, execution of mentally retarded people. Roper, execution of minors. Ring, Constitutionality of the administration of the death penalty when a judge makes a factual findings regarding aggravating circumstances.
• 3 highlighters (2 thick, one thin). 3 pens. 1 pencil.
• One Dell Inspiron 6000 Laptop.
• One Dell Inspiron 6000 Laptop charger.
• One old school Ipod.
• One old school Ipod charger if the day is going to be a long one.
• One cell phone.
• One BlueBook.
• Wallet.
• Keys.
• Change.
• USB Memory stick.

I think that's it. Every morning I feel like I'm leaving for a week. Which is fitting because some days feel like a week. Such is life.

Lyrics:
"She's pulling out her shirttails and jacking up her socks. Stirn and stoned and confident and coming up to the juke box. born into the only songs that everybody finally sings along. b-1 is for the good girls. it's only the good die young. c-9 is for the making eyes. it's paradise by the dashboard light. d4 is for the lovers. b12 is for the speeders. and the hard drugs are for the bartenders and the kitchen workers and the bartender's friends. and they're playing it again. ellen foley gives us hope. certain songs they get scratched into our souls."

The Hold Steady "Certain Songs"-best storytellers in music, save perhaps the Decemberists.

Acid Reflux Disease?

So I was wondering. When did heartburn become a disease? When did heartburn become "acid reflux disease" and what the hell did people do with their scarred esophoguses before Nexium existed? Did people live these horrible short lives where their throat was completely destroyed by the acid of their stomach? Did they have to go to the hospital when this happened? Is this horrible affliction life-threatening? Should I have an esophogus check every 2 years or something? Nexium sales totalled 3.9 billion dollars in 2004. Zoloft (depression) 3.4 Billion. The top two selling drugs in the world are cholesterol drugs. Cialis-760 million. Viagra-1.6 billion. Levitra-350 million. I don't really wanna talk about allergy medication. The pharmaceutical industry grossed 500 billion last year. Almost half that money was spent by North Americans. So Americans, we can't live with heartburn, allergies, and impotence. Sub-Saharan Africans, well, they just can't live. Hundreds of thousands of people, of children, die in Africa of curable diseases, but pharmaceutical companies are all about that dollar. Hey, I'm not saying I'm not. Afterall, it's not like I'm going into social work or the peace corp or anything. I just think it's kind of sickening when we you look at the statistics. It's sad. I mean there's no solution, you can't expect a company to develop drugs and sell them to no one. People in Africa can't feed their kids much less afford medicine. Malaria, African sleeping sickness, tuberculosis, respiratory diseases, dysentery, these are all curable diseases. Hell, most of them are preventable. I mean AIDS gets this huge push and huge press because it's the poster child of poverty for former Presidents, Bono and I'm pretty sure The Gap, but let's be realistic. AIDS is not curable. AIDS medications are outrageously expensive. AIDS medications aren't affordable in the United States and we can't really hope to have some government program subsidize AIDS treatments for Africans. We can't expect a drug company to treat all of Africa for free, out of the goodness of their hearts. But can't we, shouldn't we expect and demand our leaders do something about curable diseases in Africa? We wonder why people around the world hate us. How can anyone hate us, the land of the free AND the home of the brave. I mean honestly we have freedom, and we're brave. What more could a person ask for? How about throwing, oh maybe 10% of those hundreds of billions spent in Iraq Africa's way. We couldn't spare a billion or two here or there? But seriously how could people hate us? And about people hating us, I love how our politicians are able to turn what should be a feeling of self-loathing about what our country does wrong, into this notion of fear. This "they're all after us" mentality which warrants that we vote for learning disable Presidents, corrupt Senators, and former defense contractor VP's. But if we don't, we're going to be attacked because Democrats are "soft." The second a democrat talks any sense about thinking about why people are so hostile to us, they're automatically on "their" side. See before, being on "their" side was different. There were countries that hated the US (see Cuba, China, most of the Middle East). Now if we're on "their" side, it pretty much consists of the entire world. We need to take a step back and evaluate our country. I would never say I'm ashamed of my country, because I'm not. But there are things I'm ashamed of. And what makes me even more ashamed is that I'm not really doing anything about it. I mean I have this plan, that law school will some how, miraculously, catapult me into politics and then I can do something. But I should probably get off my ass and do something now. Not really sure what, but something. And by the way. Do we really need impotency drugs? I really don't want to see one more commercial that makes me think of two 70 year olds fucking. There's a reason men go impotent, and that reason is that 70 year olds having sex is disgusting.
Lyric
"Just the essence of a lullabye."
Badly Drawn Boy Another Pearl

It's the City

I think one of the things I really like about living in a city is the mystery of the place. Sometimes I walk by these huge buildings and wonder what goes on inside them. I mean when you think about how big these building are, how dense these neighborhoods are you have to wonder what type of people you're surrounded by. This sounds kind of strange, but let's imagine what goes on in a suburban, semi-rural upper middle class Georgia county. I mean maybe there's two people in the whole county that have some really crazy secrets-like maybe they've killed someone, maybe they lead a double life or something. But in reality, NOTHING goes on there. Now I walk around Chicago and I walk by skyscrapers where hundreds of people live and you just have to think that someone in that building, or at least this block, has some really dark skeletons in their closet. At the same time, you've got kind of a comforting feeling. I mean, in all likelihood, there's someone in that building, or on that block or at least in that neighborhood that has the same dilemmas, same hopes and fears as you have. But still, that's kind of a mushy thought. It's much more interesting to walk around thinking about which little Italian haunt is really the center of organized crime in the Midwest. It's more intersting to walk by ultraexpensive hotels wondering what kind of executives, politicians and lawyers are planning the fate of the US and world economy. I mean you can get more saddistic-in what building is a kidnapping being planned, or a hit being ordered, or a major drug deal going down. Or, much more likely, how many people you think are in that 500 room hotel cheating on their spouse? While that's a little negative, pessimistic, and probably a little sick, you gotta admit it's intriguing. It's just like in a town like Athens, or even worse, Tyrone, stuff goes on, but really not that much stuff. Crazy stuff happens in Athens, I certainly would never deny that. But the population is just over 100,000. But in the city of Chicago, just the city, the popluation is like 2.8 million. It's just crazy to think of how much happens, how much goes on over the course of a week. I don't know, maybe I'm crazy.
At the same time, even with a huge city and a huge population, I have never felt like just a number in this place. I mean, I remember in Athens as an undergrad sitting in giant classrooms, never talking to anybody in class, never talking to a professor-I was just a stat, just a GPA. Here I feel like I can make this place mine. I can have my own regular spots. The busdriver recognizes me. I know the names of almost everyone in my class. I've made public transportation mine. I know this city reasonably well, I've found places I love. I've gotten to know a couple different neighborhoods. The place is huge, but at the same time it can be yours.
Lyrics:
"She said 'It's good to see you back in a bar band baby'.
I said it's great to see you're still in the bars.
went down on the tallboy cans and he woke up in a cargo van.
went down with the girls gone wild and he woke up with the middle man.
went down with like fourteen bucks and woke up with like sixteen grand.
went down with some crust punk junk and woke up with a straight edge band.
that's not how he planned it."
-The Hold Steady, Barfruit Blues

Best

I was thinking the other day about the concept of being the best at something, or being the best athlete in the world, or the best actor, or looking at the best painting in the world. It's kind of a strange concept. I mean with athletics it's certainly more clear, more cut and dry. There is a best 100 meter runner-that's difficult to argue with. There is a best golfer (Tiger Woods), a best homerun hitter (Barry Bonds), a best cyclist (Lance Armstrong). But it's a more difficult concept when you think of art, or actions or characteristics. A best painting, a best leader, the most beautiful person. Arguments can be made for everything. Is the best painting a Picasso, a Monet, a Van Gough perhaps? Is the best actor Hopkins, Streep, Dench, Bogart, Bergman, DeNiro, etc. Best movie, same deal: Casablanca, Citizen Cane, Wizard of Oz, Schindler's List, etc. Funny thing about those arguments is that everyone thinks they can make them. Same thing with novels and writers. Why does everyone think they know everything about every movie, actor, author and book? Anyways, that's not my point. Arguments can be made for every "Best" thing regardless of just what that "thing" is. We have some objective measurements for things in sports and athletics. We can time races, count goals and homeruns. We have opinions about everything that can only be subjectively judged. Still though, I think the most amazing thing, the most amazing possibility is that the best movie and the best book hasn't been made or written. The best actor or actress hasn't yet acted. Maybe the best baseball player hasn't yet played. Maybe the fastest man in the world doesn't even compete. Maybe the best painting hasn't been painted or, even more mysteriously, hasn't been found. All of this is why we keep watching movies, it's why we keep reading books and it's why we keep watching sports. I mean, this is a lame and all too common example as of late, but seriously USC v. Texas, one of the best games in any sport in any era ever played. That's why we watched it. Because after all, if the best movies have been watched why would we keep going to the theaters? If the best book has been read why keep reading? If the best actor has already acted, let's just cast them as much as we can. And if the best game has been played, nothing is ever going to live up to it. The best is not only why we keep watching, why we keep returning to those things we love, it's much more than that. It's why we create-it's why we write, why we paint, why we play. The best is what drives us. Almost no one will ever be the best. It's an almost impossible feat, yet we still strive for it. It still pushes us, it still motivates us. Still, even in our pursuit of the best, we are fully aware we will never obtain that goal. Nevertheless, it's what makes every movie ticket, new CD, new book, sports ticket, and museum visit exciting. Maybe that day you'll see the best, hear the best, read the best. Probably not-but you never know.
Lyric:
"Think I'm drunk enough to drive you home now."
-Death Cab for Cutie Champagne From a Paper Cup: Used to be a lyric that meant more to me, now i just think it's funny and quite ironic.

Random Thoughts

• Worse case scenarios rarely happen, but when they do they really mess with your head.
• I'm really in a musical rut. When is something gonna blow me away again? I need another Wolf Parade or a new Modest Mouse or Arcade Fire or something. Maybe the new Cat Power is good.
• One of my worst fears is to be accused of something I didn't do. Weird huh?
• I wouldn't want to really know what the future holds, like for real in depth and stuff. Like I wouldn't want a full rundown of what my life is like at 40. But a snap shot would be kind of cool. Am I wearing Armani, or Old Navy? Married, single, divorced? Kids? I guess a snapshot wouldn't tell all this, but it'd give you a clue. Just enough to look forward/dread the future.
• People are always like, if I had the chance to find out when I died, I wouldn't take the opportuninty? I think I might have thought that until I got myself in debt to student loans. I'd take the opportunity now. I mean, why pay back $100,000 in student loans if I'm gonna die at 29?
• I've read as much as I can read tonight. My apologies.
• Sometimes I'm really sad that I'm never gonna work in a restaurant again. I really miss the hell out of it. No other experience in the world like working 4 or 5 doubles a week with a bunch of crazy characters. Not gonna find that in a firm.
• Some days I really wanna be a high powered IP litigator at a megafirm. Somedays I wanna be a prosecutor. Some days I want to be President. Some days I wanna be a champion for the poor. I want to visit third world countries and help solve their problems. Sometimes I feel like I want a 70 hour work week at $100,000+ a year, and other days I can't imagine living that kind of life. And then sometimes, in fact most of the time, I remember I'm 22, have at least 40 years of work ahead of me, and remember that I don't have to figure out everything right now.

Lyrics: "Do you wonder, does it make sense, walls collide everyday." Sam Prekop

Feel Compelled to Write

I wish I had something to say tonight but I don't. I really did a whole lot of nothing today and am feeling somewhat guilty for that. I'm sure this weekend will provide ample material. My brother played a show tonight that apparently went pretty well so I suppose that's good.
Lyric
"My arms and legs are too tired. Could you be inspired? No, I'm just tired."
Azure Ray The Drinks We Drank Last Night

Proudest Moment

After telling my parents my grades for the semester they said "you must be very proud." Yeah, my grades were okay and, considering about a year ago I wasn't even sure if this is what I wanted to do, the grades would probably be considered quite good. But when asked, or told rather, that I should be proud I wasn't. I mean granted, I wasn't upset with myself or disappointed or anything really. Just kind of apathetic. That bothers me sometimes, especially with regards to school. I remember in high school and early in college I used to be very proud of my grades, all the time really. Never really had a bad one in my life until organic chemistry. Then, in that class, I worked as hard as I possibly could and it still wasn't good enough-at least not for anything above a "C" either semester. So, I thought about it the other night, thought about my proudest moment. I swear I couldn't come up with anything. I couldn't really remember ever being that proud. I suppose I took a lot of pride in being able to pack up and leave Athens and pick a new city, learn the city, be able to find my way around. But still it wasn't really a proud moment, more like a series of moments. The only thing I could think of that I was proud of involved other people and never myself-I was proud of my brother when he played his first real gig, I'm proud of my other brother for having a better job than I ever had in high school, i'm proud of the art work of my youngest brother, I'm proud as hell of my friends that kicked law schools ass this semester, hell, i'm proud of DJ Shockley for waiting four years on the bench at Georgia when he could've started at 95 percent of D1 schools. For me though, can't think of anything.
On the other hand, I can think of a million moments that I'm not proud of. Not proud of the way breaking off my one really long term relationship went. Not proud of getting blackout drunk and turning into a complete tool, everything I hate, more than one time. Not proud of not hanging out with Tim all night the last time I was in Athens. Not proud of not being productive this break. Not proud of the way I've acted towards my parents in the past. Not proud of the shitty friend I've been to some people and for not making it out to see them this winter break. Seriously, I could write a fucking novel about my not proud moments and can't come up with ONE thing I'm proud of. Probably doesn't speak that highly for me, but hey.
My only hope is that pride is like poker. I can remember every really bad beat I've had in poker. I can remember the one at Foxwoods, the series of beats i took at some guys house i didn't even know, losing money to Tony every other night. I can remember all that but you really don't remember your victories in poker. Sure you remember a couple of nights where you made some good money, but never any singular victories. Maybe that's like my feeling of pride in my life. I'm not trying to say that I don't think I've lived a good life. Not trying to say I'm a bad person-I just can't remember any major events that I was just really proud of. College graduation, didn't go. High School Graduation, didn't shed a tear and I don't even really miss anybody. Law School grades, mediocre in my mind. Sports, well never really was a stud at sports. Never really been anyones hero that I can think of. Never ran into a burning building, never saved someone from a car accident. So who knows, maybe your winnings, the life you lead-maybe it's just an overall prospective. Maybe you don't have to remember every bit of good you've ever done. Maybe you don't have to remember any of it. Really wish I could forget some of the bad I've done. Suppose if that were the case we'd never learn our lesson now though would we. What's a better evaluation of your life, looking at the moments your most ashamed of or those that you're most proud of, or is it just a balance of both. I know this comes off as self-pitying or melodramatic or something and it's really not, just something I thought about. Kind of irritating, pride that is. It's so Emo.
Lyric
"Because the same place that filled me with joy is just a road I crossed."
Hem Leave Me Here

My Top 25 Songs of 2005, albeit somewhat late and in no particular order.

1. Broken Social Scene-Ibi Dreams of Pavement (A Better Day)-Something about the raw emotion (and nothing else about it) reminds me of an emo song accept without the complete and utter shitiness that is required of "emo".
2. Aesop Rock-Daylight-"All I ever wanted to was pick apart the day, put the pieces back together my way." Great line when you've done a few things you regret. This works for fucking up exam questions, relationships and blackout nights.
3. Futureheads-Hounds of Love-I swear this song is an aphrodesiac. Be warned, listening to it before you go out on a Friday night can result in a Renton-like turnaround in sex drive.
4. Modest Mouse-A Different City-Old song, but finally applicable to my life. I would tell everyone to live in a city at least once in your life. It's an experience.
5. TV on the Radio-Staring at the Sun-an uncharacterizable band-just really good. The acapella aspects of their music is amazing.
6. Common-The Food-Most underrated hip-hop song of the year. I'm a crack dealer, right J? Hopefully I'll get paid this semester.
7. Kanye-Gone-Why isn't this the single off this album?
8. Wolf Parade-I'll Believe in Anything-This may be my favorite song of the year. The lyrics, the drama of the music, the meaning behind it, just amazing. It reminds me of so much from so many times in my life.
9. Ted Leo-Hearts of Oak-Again, an old song, but a song that got me rolling a lot of mornings at 7am and made me smile despite the dark circles under my eyes.
10. Shout Out Louds-Very Loud-Why wasn't this album received better by pitchfork. I rarely disagree with those cats, but this is much better than a mediocre album.
11. Saul Williams-Act III (Shakespeare)-Who is this guy? An essayist? Poet? Soon to be hip hop superstar? Professional scenester? Not sure, but his stuff is pretty good.
12. Okkervil River-For Real-Kind of a scary song, a lot of lyrics about blood, but excellent in every possible way a song is supposed to be excellent.
13. Arcade Fire-The whole album (Funeral)-Honestly, if you haven't heard this album you really should not be listening to music.
14. Chin Up, Chin Up-Why Is My Sleeping Bag a Ghetto Muppet?-Worst song name of the year, hands down. But these guys are pretty good and I think their sound is pretty indicative of Chicago. Kind of reminds you of the color grey.
15. DJ Shadow-Stem/Long Stem-An epic of a song off an old and incredibly influential album. I studied to this music a million times and this song is without a doubt my favorite off the album. I was listening to this song one night as 8 inches of snow dropped in about two hours. It was great.
16. AC Newman-Perfect Drug-Will forever remind me of Spring Break in Cancun. And by Cancun I mean Boston. Casey driving on too many Dayquils, Charles the Fifth sleeping on tables, and Tim meeting his soul mate.
17. The Black Keys-The Lengths-Beautiful song, not sure if it's about being in love or breaking up, which is probably the best part about it. I love that about the song and about life in general. "hold me now, never ever hold me again." I think that's about how in a breakup, you never really know if you're still in love with the person-that's the toughest thing to get through, and this song articulates it.
18. Hope For A Golden Summer-Midwest-Because, as a friend said, I don't really think these lyrics can actually exist. Too close to perfect, too fitting.
19. Trail of Dead-It Was There That I First Saw You-Off an old album, but still a song that blends everything you want in music. Lyrics you can relate to, passion in instrument playing and in singing, and oh yeah, the drumming is pretty fucking good. 3 years maybe since this album came out, and I still listen to this song probably twice a week.
20. The Walkmen-The Rat-Honestly, I knew I was supposed to like this band the first time I heard them and didn't. Three years later they would compete as one of my five favorite bands. I don't know if I've changed or if they have, but I pretty much like all their stuff now-so I guess it must be me.
21. Sufjan Stevens-Chicago/John Wayne Gacy, Jr.-I'm not as big a fan of this album as everyone else in the world. I think it is gradiose and somewhat melodramatic. I like my music simple, slightly more stripped down, and I DO NOT dig choirs. However, these two songs are amazing.
22. Telenovela-That Horse is As Good As Glue-Because perhaps my most proud moment is seeing my bro and Steph play this song live at the 40 watt. I think I may have been more proud of them in that moment than I had ever been of myself in my entire life. Seriously, it gave me the chills.
23. Spoon-I Summon You-I really cannot figure out what the hell this song is about and it drives me nuts. But I cannot, for days on end, get it out of my head. The guitar riff is just so damn catchy.
24. Seu Jorge-Rebel, Rebel-Soothing, oh so soothing. Great music to sleep to, probably to make love to as well. To be clear-making love and fucking are not the same thing-Norah Jones makes love, 50 Cent fucks. This is not a good song to fuck to.
25. Sam Prekop-This song makes me want to drive with the windows rolled down. It makes me want to be grilling steaks, eating lime tortilla chips with some delicious salsa, drinking margaritas coronas with friends. It makes me want to walk in the park on a 78 degree day with a breeze. Man, summer is gonna be good.

Like those bars in swingers without the signs

Take a right. It's just there on the right, can't remember the street name right now off the top of my head. Place has got basically a non-existent sign. The best indicator that you're in the right place might be the smell of stale beer and cigarettes when you get about 30 feet from the door. Watch out for the indie kids coming up, you're not as cool as they are. Wow, khakis and a BR sweater are not going to go over here well. Unless dressing preppy is so uncool that it's cool. Hopefully that's the case. You walk in this place and it smells like every other bar you've been in. The bartenders look basically the same as any bartender you've ever seen. They look probably ten years older than they are. Cigarette smoke, dehydration, alcohol, late nights and recreational drugs have aged these truly amazing and patient people. Scraggly facial hair if they're male, low cut jeans if they're female. It reminds you of Nowhere Bar, but not of Nowhere Bar as much as the people you used to hang out at Nowhere Bar with. There are a couple of differences. Nowhere Bar has pool tables and the juke box plays almost exclusively Drive By Truckers. Outside of that you could transport the place to East Clayton or Washington or maybe even off the beaten path on Prince. You could put the people from back home in the bar, take away the pretentious indie kids, keep the new law school friends, and you'd be back in the Classic City. That's the way things could have ended, that could be the story of your life right now if you had wanted it to be. But thankfully that's not how the story ended.
To top things off, your night is surely to end with a not fun conversation with somebody you care about. These types of conversations blow regardless of the circumstances and they can never, ever be fun. You try and be nice, try and keep you feelings in check. Externally, you do a wonderful job of putting forth this facade but internally you just make yourself sick. That conversation will be interrupted by a call from the same people that you would put in the bar from back home. The night will seem like a big trick played on you and will be capped off with a really fun walk home from the Red Line in the fucking freezing cold. I swear, the El ride and the walk home is like God's way of sending you to timeout to think about what you've done. But when you think about it, you really haven't done anything. Just tried to be a really good guy. If you were slightly cooler, you would go home and put on some Miles Davis until you fell asleep. If you were more of an alcoholic, you would pound the rest of the gin you've got until you passed out. If you were more rational, you'd take a quick shower and hit the sack. Instead, I ate leftover Thai, listened to the Walkmen and bitched about my night in this irrational and poorly written post. Sorry guys.
Lyric
"I'm waiting on a subway line
I'm waiting for a train to arrive
I'm thinking of a dream I had
Maybe you're right"
-The Walkmen Thinking of a Dream I Had

cynical

So it has been brought to my attention that my previous post has come off as considerably more cynical than I had intended. While I did not intend for the post to be cold or mean spirited, a second reading a few days removed from writing it did lend some insight into how people could potentially perceive what I had written. I never intended to downplay the difficulties that people face in their lives and the hardships that people must overcome to be successful human beings. I'd be the first to acknowledge and praise people that have overcome those tremendous circumstances. However, I stand by the statement that an individual, regardless of what family they were born into, what neighborhood they grew up in, or what school they went to should be capable of supporting themselves in this country. I really should have placed more emphasis on what I meant by individual. By individual I intended to convey someone that has no other people to support-no kids, no ailing parents or relatives, no brothers or sisters to raise. No responsibilities besides finding ones own meal for that night. I fully understand the fact that it is incredibly difficult if not impossible for a mother or father to raise children on their own if they don't have an education or a well paying job. It's a fact about this country that troubles me greatly. It's incredibly unfortunate that we as a country and we as individual communities across the United States don't do more for people in those circumstances. It's unfortunate that we don't do more for people addicted to drugs. It's reprehensible that we don't do more for single mothers living in poverty. We don't improve inner city schools, we don't build homeless shelters, we don't give money to the poor, we don't improve child and family services, we don't change our failing foster care programs. There's a lot we don't do, that I, as an American believe we should do. It's why I'm a democrat-I have hope for improving this country, not maintaining it just as is. Republicans always talk about maintaining our national security, maintaining the "sanctity" of marriage, maintaining our schools-I don't want to maintain, I want to improve.
My last post came off badly-i was just trying to say that the concept of being responsible for only yourself and having no downfalls like drugs or alcoholism and still not being able to make enough money just so that you can eat your own dinner that night-well, that concept seems gone. It's not necessarily bad that it's gone-it's just gone. There aren't many people doing cattle drives for no other reason than the fact that the rancher hiring them is gonna feed them for the 6 months they work. That's all I was trying to say. I'm a cynical bastard sometimes and the night I wrote that post was apparently one of them. So I apologize for upsetting anybody. Shit, this is probably gonna bite me in the ass when I'm running for Democratic Senator out of Illinois. Oh well.
Lyric:
"You're so beautiful to look at when you cry."
Pavement Shady Lane -Music snob for life.

Making a Living

So I saw Brokeback Mountain last night. Good flick, could've been ten minutes shorter but if they don't get at least a cinematogrophy, director and a couple of acting Oscar nominations, it'll be a crime. I don't really get why it's all that controversial. I mean really, are we still living in an era where homosexuality is controversial? Anyways, what the movie really made me think about for some strange reason is the concept of being broke. It's weird, I mean in reality, me and most of the people I know will never struggle like the characters in this movie did. There isn't really a modern day equivalent in the United States of truly being broke, at least as an individual-i mean, as long as you're working hard and don't fuck up with drugs and alcohol and don't have like 30 kids, almost anyone can earn a living. Well, I suppose you gotta keep your credit in decent shape as well. This, perhaps, is the dirty republican evil side of me speaking out. However, it's clear that an individual can support themselves almost anywhere in the country with enough hard work. Sure, I have some friends who are broke, but that is almost solely the result of their own decisions and has nothing to do with it being impossible to earn enough money to live. The concept of being an individual completely unable to support yourself is a concept that no longer exists in America.
Still though, there's some romance to working simply to earn enough to get by. I mean I've talked about this before-how blue collar jobs are more satisfying than white collar jobs. Perhaps not necessarily more satisfying, maybe it's just a different type of satisfaction. There's something nice about going to a job where you know what's to be expected of you, you know how to do it well, and you know you probably won't be challenged that day. There's something relieving knowing that you're working hard so you can go out to dinner on Friday night, not so that you can pad your portfolio. I mean, it just seems like the days of fisherman leaving on excursions for months at a time are over. The days of people ranching in Montana for the summer to support their kids through the winter are over. The days of doing odd jobs as a carpenter in a small seaside town are over. I mean, maybe this still exists somewhere in the country-but certainly not like it used to. The small town, and the jobs that are inherent in small towns are dying. The towns are being replaced by planned suburbs, gentrified inner cities, and "mixed communities." The jobs are being replaced by IT positions and spots in middle management. Kind of sad I suppose, not that I'm not completely perpetuating the death of the small town. For some reason, school and the city sometimes makes me want to go back to a day where all you worried about was where the next meal was coming from. Granted, this is probably incredibly stressful, but you gotta think that nothing can really be more stressful than the life I and a lot of my friends plan to embark on. I mean, how bad can a couple of hungry nights be? That's an insensitive and asinine statement but still. Well, maybe someday in retirement I'll cook at some seaside or ranch dive and get a final taste of small town America and blue collar life before I die-but probably not. Maybe I'll just name my boat after one of those towns. Yeah, that's what I'll do.
Quote:
"Opinions are like kittens, always giving them away."
Modest Mouse.

Series of Coincidences

I'm reading a book right now in which the author ends up in a position they never believed they would be. Essentially, the man ends up in a career and doing things politically he never would have dreamt himself capable of. But he has this theory that there are certain events in your life that are predestined-you're meant to meet certain people, meant to learn certain things, meant to live in particular places. These things, you are incapable of changing. However, the way you should judge your own life is by looking at what you do with those coincidences, those events. Those things you can't change you have no control over. To me, this is comforting if you think about it differently though. I'm not sure if i believe certain events are fate or predestined but without a doubt certain things happen that are out of your control. Whether this is fate or destiny or whatever I'm not sure. I think you really should be judged by how you deal with those events that have already happened. People make mistakes, many of which aren't completely fixable, you just have to deal with that the best you can. No matter how hard you try, people are imperfect, the people around you are as flawed as you are. Life is flawed, mistake ridden and not being able to be perfect drives me crazy sometimes. But...what can you do? Deal with those events the best you can-do the best with your coincidences. So, in short, a book about an economist makes me feel better.
Quote:
"Don't tell them you're bigger than Jesus, don't give it away."
The wise me: Drive-by-Truckers Outfit.

Something Vague

So this weekend is one of the most hectic, hilrious, eventful, crazy, beautifully surprising weekends of my entire life. I have to say, having a 321 reunion was pretty interesting-but I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. My sides are sore and my cheeks hurt from smiling, so I suppose regardless of where that laughter and that drunken smiling came from I'm doing pretty well. I sat here tonight listening to "something vague" by bright eyes trying to feel drunk, hungover and sorry for myself for some things that have happened. But, unlike in the past, no matter how much bright eyes i listened to I couldn't get depressed-couldn't feel sorry for myself. That "coffin you call your apartment" is a huge loft with a lake view with two great roomates, can't complain. "Flipping the switch" resulted not in thinking about how little I cared about the people at the table (like in the song) but rather how much I cared about them. "Falling from the balance beem" didn't equate to the embarassment that is normally associated with drinking but rather some clever lines and some halfway decent jokes (rumor has it). It's been a long time-probably 5 or 6 years when mistakes have felt so fucking good and so right. It's been ages since things that should've been mistakes turned out to be the complete opposite and, while the jury is still out, all of that remains a distinct possibility. Sometimes, I couldn't be happier. Oh well, such is life. Since I got shit about writing this over the weekend I'm sure I'll be getting shit when my asshole friends get around to actually reading it. Twas fun kids, hope to do it again soon. "Off the record" you guys are hilarious-"on the record", I've never met you. The most appropriate line in the history of the blog:
"I'd rather be happy than right this time."