Photograph

I mentioned in a post a long time ago, something about knowing your future. Something along the lines of how much you'd want to know about what lies ahead of you. My conclusion was that I would want a snapshot of what my life was like in the future. I wouldn't want to know everything-like how many kids I had, where I was living, what I was doing, who I was working for, who I was married to, how we met-I don't need any of that. Just a snapshot. I've become really fascinated with this concept. The other night, I was telling a friend that if someone took a picture of her, sitting on the fence she was sitting on, with the park we were in front of in the background and brought it to me 2 years ago, I would have no idea where she was, who she was, or why I was with her. I wouldn't know whether she was a friend, my girlfriend, or an ex. I wouldn't know if the park behind her was in Atlanta, Chicago, New York, Boston, Seattle, Portland, Lexington or any of the cities I was considering. I wouldn't know anything about the picture, I'd just have the picture. Wouldn't know whether the sun had just gone down, whether it was 3 am, or whether the sun was about to come up. A photo doesn't tell you anything. A picture is most definetly not worth a thousand words.

It's been frustrating not having a badass job this summer; I certainly wouldn't lie about that. Still though, it's kind of cool to have no clue what the photograph from next summer will be like. To have no clue what is ahead of me is daunting, it's a source of anxiety, but it's also kind of nice. If we always knew of everything in our future the present wouldn't be nearly as fun. Sure, it'd be a hell of a lot less stressful, but there wouldn't be a battle, there wouldn't be the journey, and there wouldn't be any other cliches involving "it's not the destination, but the journey" derivatives.

A year ago, a photo of today would've been of unfamiliar faces and strange places. It kind of seems like now, the faces in photos from a year ago are growing less familiar. The places don't look the same. Life changes so damn fast. It scares the hell out of me. But kind of like bungie jumping scared. Not scared as in you don't want to do it, and not afraid in that you think you might die or fail-scared like "this is crazy, but awesome" scared.

"Broke account so I broke a sweat
I've bought some things that I sort of regret about now
Broke your glasses, but it broke the ice
You said that I was an asshole and I paid the price"
-Modest Mouse Broke

Britney Spears

Britney Spears was on Dateline tonight. A lot of times, people that have been controversial lately, or have been in the news a lot, go on Dateline because they know they can get a borderline respectable interview. Their publicist will send the questions to be asked. The interviewer will ask them. The celebrity will answer them with heartfelt memorized answers. The slutty celebrity will dress conservatively. The celebrity with tatoos everywhere will cover them with a long sleeve shirt. The tough guy will even shed a tear while talking about his childhood.

Apparently Britney missed the memo. I don't think anyone did her hair today. Her makeup looks similar to the makeup worn by former blog celebrity, crazy cafe lady. She is wearing the most unflattering dress I've ever seen. I think it's purple. I hate purple. She is also chewing gum. Who chews gum in a television interview? Apparently Britney Spears does.

So I'm not going to slam her too much, because she is pregnant. But, do you ever see a pregnant woman who still looks presentable, still looks like she's puting forth some effort? Maybe that she actually enjoys being pregnant for brief moments in time? Some reason, pregnancy just makes Britney look more whorish. I'm pretty sure it's her dress. Plus she's married to a douchebag. That might help to.

On a completely different note, I can't believe I spent 10 minutes watching this interview. On a similar note, I can't believe I spent 10 minutes writing about it. I'm a sad little man.

Things That Make Me Happy

• The fact that Hem's "Half Acre" was on a bank commercial the other day. It's nice to know that a band that sacrificed so much for their music, got paid. It really doesn't matter what you think about their music. It's beautiful that they were rewarded for their effort, their work, their attempt at making something they could love. Doesn't really matter in the end if anyone else loved it. That being said, clearly Northwestern Mutual liked it. "Think of every town you've lived in, every room you lay your head. And what is it you remembered? Do you carry every sadness with you? Every hour your heart was broken? Every night the fear and darkness layed down with you?"
• "I might be the least productive person in the loop." "You mean the whole 4 square miles in Chicago?" "Let's just put it this way, pretty soon the web of lies on my time sheet is going to come crashing down." -Anonymous
• My roommates.
• The fact that I'm like 99 percent sure my apartment could be a comedy or drama or reality television show, or study of relationships or study of disaster, or entrance into hilarity or insanity....something. It could be something. People would watch, or read, or something. And people would laugh.
• Broken Social Scene. I think if I had thought of this as a title for a book, I would've written a book by now. However, a band has stolen the title prior to my being able to write a second rate book about the social dynamic that is a legal education/career.
• 30 words: Pizza pot-pie. Flat bread with Italian seasoning. A giant salad of which I chose slightly too many onions. Sesame seed dressing mixed with Blue cheese. Chicago pizza and oven grinder.
• September weather in June.
• Being with someone that makes me laugh on a daily basis. Out loud.
• Two Brother's Brewery. Smoking loon pinot noir. Hacher Pschor (sic). Anchor Steam Summer.
• Francine: "Honey, do you know anything about lawyers?" "Actually I'm in law school." "Oh my lord, I guess I just put my big foot in my mouth." "Nah, don't worry about it, I know we suck." I love having a conversation with someone you don't really know, and you've only just barely met, but that you know could've meant something to you under different circumstances. That sounds complicated and weird, but it really isn't. This woman, in the five days I've worked with her, has said more grandmotherly things than I've heard in the last 2 years. It may be sad, but it's just true. I can't change that, and I can't help but smile when she drops some old sage type advise.
• Grilling for people that mean a lot to me.
• Telling stories, even though mine are sometime lacking in punchlines and not nearly as funny as they were when they were actually happening.
• The fact that I can look back at things, and miss things, and wish the best for the people I miss, but be aware of the fact that things are so much better. Things on a daily basis are easier. I spend more time smiling, less time worrying.
• When people call me a "good guy."
• Getting called out. But only if you know me well.
• "I'll give you a nickel for your quarter, malt liquor for your water."
• Mix CDs.
• Thinking about: Traveling, buying an apartment, being near a dock and boat on a lake sometime soon, the upcoming fall, college football, drama.
• Away messages.
• The fact that I am totally unafraid of meeting someone's family.
• Sleeping above the covers with the fan on.
• Quoting The Hold Steady, over and over and over and over again.

Lyrics:

"When you're out on a limb, up in a tree. M-I-S-S-I-N-G, just remember what the biker chick said that you're really alive, when you wish you were dead. That there isn't a god, or a heaven or hell-life's a little old apple and a william tell."

Lincoln Blow-by the way, i don't believe that, but love the song.

Funny Thing Happened

Tonight was uneventful. In a previous era, I would've considered nights like tonight lonely, sad, or depressing. Now though, it's just a night off. A night off from going out, a night off from spending money. A night off from summer. So my "night off" consisted of studying for the patent bar while rewarding myself with Abita Turbodog Bottles. So?

Still, the funny thing about tonight was that it reminded me of fall. Some of the applicable fall songs came on Itunes random. I sat by our open window while I studied. The wind was whipping off the lake. The temperature dropped to about 55 or so. The temp coupled with the wind made it necessary to throw on a sweatshirt.

IT'S JUNE!! A sweatshirt in June? Are you serious? I'm used to that Georgia humidity by this point in the year. I liked it though. Little bit of summer chill. Kind of like my night...but different.

Lyrics:
"It's summertime and though it's hard to see, it's true."
Flaming Lips It's Summertime

Guess.

• Weezer "Sweater Song." The Verve Pipe "Freshmen." Dishwalla "Counting Blue Cars." Eve 6 "Inside Out." Jimmy Eat World (Any Song). Third Eye Blind "Graduate." Marcy Playground "Sex and Candy." THE ANSWER: Songs that remind me of high school.
• Blind people in book stores. The fascination with Harry Potter. Lost Highway. Rugby. Why no one asks more questions or makes a movie about the Japanese internment camps. THE ANSWER: Things I don't understand.
• Dwayne Wade. Vince Vaughn. Studs Terkel. Jon Stewart. Bill Murray. Scarlett Johansen. Karen Hughes. Amy Sedaris. Charlize Theron. Toni Morrison. ANSWER: Best dinner party ever.
• Mashed potatoes. Smell of cut grass. Train whistles. Driving and riding in cars. Hot wings. Smoke-filled bars. Candles. Margaritas. Dogs. ANSWER: Things that make me feel like I'm home. I know, weird.

That's all I can think of right now.