Photograph

I mentioned in a post a long time ago, something about knowing your future. Something along the lines of how much you'd want to know about what lies ahead of you. My conclusion was that I would want a snapshot of what my life was like in the future. I wouldn't want to know everything-like how many kids I had, where I was living, what I was doing, who I was working for, who I was married to, how we met-I don't need any of that. Just a snapshot. I've become really fascinated with this concept. The other night, I was telling a friend that if someone took a picture of her, sitting on the fence she was sitting on, with the park we were in front of in the background and brought it to me 2 years ago, I would have no idea where she was, who she was, or why I was with her. I wouldn't know whether she was a friend, my girlfriend, or an ex. I wouldn't know if the park behind her was in Atlanta, Chicago, New York, Boston, Seattle, Portland, Lexington or any of the cities I was considering. I wouldn't know anything about the picture, I'd just have the picture. Wouldn't know whether the sun had just gone down, whether it was 3 am, or whether the sun was about to come up. A photo doesn't tell you anything. A picture is most definetly not worth a thousand words.

It's been frustrating not having a badass job this summer; I certainly wouldn't lie about that. Still though, it's kind of cool to have no clue what the photograph from next summer will be like. To have no clue what is ahead of me is daunting, it's a source of anxiety, but it's also kind of nice. If we always knew of everything in our future the present wouldn't be nearly as fun. Sure, it'd be a hell of a lot less stressful, but there wouldn't be a battle, there wouldn't be the journey, and there wouldn't be any other cliches involving "it's not the destination, but the journey" derivatives.

A year ago, a photo of today would've been of unfamiliar faces and strange places. It kind of seems like now, the faces in photos from a year ago are growing less familiar. The places don't look the same. Life changes so damn fast. It scares the hell out of me. But kind of like bungie jumping scared. Not scared as in you don't want to do it, and not afraid in that you think you might die or fail-scared like "this is crazy, but awesome" scared.

"Broke account so I broke a sweat
I've bought some things that I sort of regret about now
Broke your glasses, but it broke the ice
You said that I was an asshole and I paid the price"
-Modest Mouse Broke