Every minute of every hour

I feel like every minute of every hour for the next couple weeks is planned. It's not that all I do is study-I do other things but only because they benefit the studying. For example, I didn't work out tonight because I had some extra time and thought it'd be beneficial for my health. I worked out because I knew if I didn't I wouldn't sleep well. If I didn't sleep well, I wouldn't be very productive tommorrow. I also watched TV for about an hour. Not because I had the hour to spare but because if i didn't I was, well, I was gonna go crazy. I take time to eat, take time to relax but it's not relaxing if it's only relaxing for the purpose of being more productive. That doesn't make much sense but it does in my head so at this point I don't really give a fuck. Like writing this blog, another example. It's not because I want my friends to know what's going on with me or because I want to be able to look back and reflect on what was my 1L experience. It was all that at first but now it's just because it's my only source where I can really just vent. And so now I'm gonna go to bed, because I gotta wake up at 6am and read some god-forsaken fucking constitutional law about Equal Protection or some other shit I don't really care about at this point. Why do we have class up until the Friday when finals start on Monday? How stupid is that? I'm gonna go to sleep and listen to some melodramatic shit to make me fall asleep. I'm gonna listen to Stars, I'm gonna listen to Black Keys The Lengths, Bright Eyes, Hem all that shit. And tommorrow, I'm gonna go to school and be an asshole just for the hell of it. Just because I feel like it and I don't feel like talking to anybody and I don't feel like explaining shit. And you know what I really don't want? What I really hate? I REALLY don't want someone to try and explain anything to me tommorrow. There's like all of two people I listen to when they begin to explain things to me and frankly, if I'm not meeting with you after school to talk about things, if I don't sit with you in the library, you ARE NOT one of these two or three people so I don't want you explaining things to me. Is that clear? No explaining things. Do not explain concepts because A) You don't get it B) I already get it C) I'm not going to listen to what you're trying to explain whether it's right or not. You are probably right, but I need to figure it out on my own. Enjoy your wealth of knowledge you Young Turk. You fucking 168, good work way to turn down U of C congratulations. Fuck off. Is it necessary to tell everyone that you got into a much better school. Really, it makes me think you're just a fucking idiot and a pussy for not going to a school where you'd have trouble keeping up. At this point I'm working hard to beat you just to spite you. My self motivation has long run out by my loathing for some people in my class is sufficient to keep me going 14 hours a day. I apologize to anyone who reads this. It is the result of a frustrating day and what is looking to be a long, frustrating, sleep deprived, painful couple weeks. I love like 90 percent, well 75 percent...at least half of my section and this really isn't meant to be knock on any of my friends or anyone that could possibly end up reading this. Today blows.
Lyrics:
"Well, I woke up on a foggy morning. Hiding from the sun, he was hiding from the sun. But it came out and it shot its rays down."
Okkervil River The Latest Toughs: You're goddamn right.

I fucking hate this feeling.

2am

It's 2am and I wish I were sitting at the bar after a long day. I wish the good song that just came on Itunes had come on the radio. I wish I had a strong gin and tonic in front of me. I wish I was just winding down, arms sticking to the shitty bar finish. Television on in the background, trivia machine taking my money, couple friends drinking with me. I wish there was some fucking second hand smoke around. Damn, I could really go for some second hand smoke right now. But then again, if all this were the case I wouldn't be in Chicago, I wouldn't love waking up every morning (even if it is 7am), and I wouldn't have met the group of people that I have. And to be fair, we're going to be at the bars for like 4 straight weeks as soon as the god forsaken finals are done. Plus you can still smoke in Chicago-so the second hand buzz will be readily available. No regrets here.

Affidavit

In support of a charge of battery against an attorney a plaintiff submitted the following affidavit:
"1. I am a born-again Christian and cultivate holiness in my life. [A]s a result I am very sensitve to evil spirits and am greatly disturbed by the demonic. However, in Christ there is victory."

-Just for the record, I believe that everyone has the right to their faith and that faith is a beautiful thing. This affidavit, however, is perfect evidence of how Bush was elected-by the uneducated, illogical Christian right. Now come on folks, we know this claim is going to get thrown out. After all, activist judges HATE GOD.

A Letter, to my Law School Friends

Kids,
Don't fall asleep every night thinking that there are a group of people in our section that are so much smarter than you that, no matter what you do, you'll never be able to beat them. Yes, the rumors are true-we are graded on a curve. We are not graded based on what we know about a subject but rather how much we know compared to other people. This does not mean you should be cutthroat, this does not mean you should foster animosity when you help someone work through something. Additionally, this does not mean that you have to out-study everyone in the class. You can memorize every state holding about parents duty to protect parties from their children-I really don't think it's going to help you, but you can go for it. Our test will not consist of the following question:
What are the following states' holding regarding parents duty to protect third parties from their children?
Alaska:
Connecticut:
New York:
Wisconsin:
Florida:
South Dakota:
If we have that question, I guarantee all of you that I will drop out of school. Memorize the book, memorize the federal rules of civil procedure-I'm sure a firm will love having a lawyer that they can ask what Federal Rule 32 (b) is instead of typing it in on West Law or Lexus. That is a valuable asset to have in a firm.
My point is not in regards to what type of questions will be on the test. My point is that spending 2 hours a day talking about the people that are going to beat you and losing an hour of sleep a night worrying about it is NOT HELPING. All it's doing is solidifying the fact that those people that are smarter than you have that two hour advantage on you every day-where you're worrying and they're studying. That day of the test-how well do you think you're going to analyze a problem when all you're thinking about is how fucking smart that person next to you is. Chill out, relax and work hard. You can't do or ask anything more of yourself. We're working 13, 14 hour days at the least. There are not people who know everything. We're all gonna be lawyers some day, we'll be fine. Good luck.
Evan
P.S. No one that would ever read this is going to finish last-we're better than that.

Cold

So yeah, it's pretty fucking cold today. It was like 30 when I walked out of my building for school. When I left school for home around 9pm, it was 20 and snowing. Welcome to Chicago. Some good news-it's much easier to study in weather like this. You don't wanna leave school, and there's nothing to do at school besides study so things work out allright. More good news for all my beloved fraternity boys back home-Chicago is a climate in which wearning Northface is not only appropriate, but necessary. So, in theory, if any of you were to move here, you couldn't immediately be picked out as a frat boy. I guess that's a good thing, unless you think that title is cool or if you want to continue to be identified with a group of friends you bought. But hey that's another blog and I'm drifting from my point about cold weather.
My advice of the day came from the always wise Ms. Wheels: "You're gonna need a thicker coat." Yes, yes I am. Hopefully I can weasle one out of my parents this weekend when they come for Thanksgiving. Oh, that's another point entirely worthy of going off on a tangent. So, my parents are coming for Thanksgiving and I suppose I am technically "hosting" my first Thanksgiving. It's kind of strange-you always think you'll host your first Thanksgiving at some house in the suburbs or at the very least with a significant other at an apartment in the city. But nope, just me. I gotta do the grocery shopping, clean, all that jazz. I actually think it's really cool. I'm really looking forward to doing that stuff on my own, feeling like a real live adult and everything. My mom is coming up with all these cheesy traditions we can start if we maintain Thanksgiving in Chicago for years to come-plays, Michigan Ave., fancy restaurant on Friday. I say it's cheesy, but you know I love it.

Ready?

Coffee to put the edge on, tea to take the edge off. Big Red. An new ink cartridge. Couple highlighters. New pack of Bic pens. One supplement for each class. Binders to hold your notes. 3 hole punch. Stapler. Notebooks for scrap paper. Diet Pepsi. A kitchen cabinet stocked with granola bars, bread for sandwiches, campbells chunky soup for quick dinners. Fridge stocked with caffeinated diet drinks, fruit, deli meat, some lettuce for salads. New batteries for the wireless mouse, a fully charged ipod, a set of headphones, maybe some new music.

Some sort of sickness that can make you study from 7am-midnight everyday for the next three weeks.

No alcohol.

All I need for finals.

Lyric:
"Let it drag us down, let it come between you and I."
And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead Let it Dive

Dramatic

Something about sitting on the top floor lounge of school studying my ass off and staring out the window to look at a cold rainy night blurring the city lights all while listening to DJ Shadow-oh yeah-it makes things seem so dramatic. Almost like someone could make a great movie out of the craziness of this experience. Sometimes I love school, sometimes I hate it but God do I love this town.

Lyric of the Day:
"I won't fuck us over, I'm mister November."
-The National Mister November-I fuckin better be mister november if I wanna do well in school. Man my eyes hurt.

Random

• If you see a commercial on TV for your favorite band, you should probably find a new favorite band. Emo is not okay.
• The door to my apartment zaps me every time a put my key to it. And for real, the zaps are starting to get pretty fucking painful. I mean I know it's static electricty but honestly I'm like seeing stars everytime I open the door.
• Pineapples: $1.99 at Treasure Island-amazing.
• When people say phrases like "I'd be a vegetarian if I didn't like meat so much" and they think it's funny-you should call them out on it or stop being their friend. Or hit them.
• My peers are getting ridiculously competitive. You can only read things so much kids, it's a lot more about how you think not how you memorize. Drink a beer.
• Eat: Stuff from Fox and Obel. Drink: Gin and tonic. Listen to: Boards of Canada Read: Something besides cases and cases and cases and cases and cases.
• Is normalcy and clarity too much to ask? Apparently it is, regardless of what I'm referring to.

Random Lyric:

"You're having the time of my life." -Jets to Brazil

Music to Live By

• Before you go out on what looks to be a great Friday night: Jay Z Unplugged
• Something to make you feel better about being just another middle class white kid in law school: Ghostface The Pretty Toney Album.
• When it's raining: Blur Think Tank
• To remember your roots: Hope For a Golden Summer Heart of Art
• Something loud enough to drowned out the crazy woman on the bus: Thursday Full Collapse
• Something to cheer you up: Ted Leo and the Pharmicists "Hearts of Oak"-the song
• Something to wake you up: Broken Social Scene-self titled-the slow build up to rock is great to get you going.
• Because you're life is so fucking dramatic and (he/she) (sucks so bad/is such a drunk/hates their life so much/wishes they were dead/is so damn hot/should really have come over last night)- Jeff Buckley Grace
• The Suburbs suck: Desparecidos Read Music/Speak Spanish
• Something to make you think you're on the beach: Anything by Seu Jorge
• Something to rock you to sleep on one of those hungover rainy Saturday/Sunday morning: Sam Prekop Who's Your New Professor
• Something that you'll find bobbing your head to AND listening intently to the lyrics: TV On the Radio Desperate Youth, Blood Thirsty Babes
• When you've got nothing else: there's always Modest Mouse.

I got a 23 out of 25 on a big paper. I'm pretty damn happy. I stayed motivated all day and got a ton of work done. Today was a good one. Hope I can say the same for tommorrow. Nothing insightful or comedic to report, sorry.

Random Lyrics: "Oh maker! (of such fine products As palm trees, and the dead sea) Don't pardon me, there's nothing rudeThings conclude, things conclude!......I've seen the world, kissed all the pretty girls I've said my goodbyes and now i'm ready to die." The Unicorns, Ready to Die.

Marketing

• Ipods, Itunes are marketed to me.
• That new Lexus commercial with the normal looking 20 somethings doing a dance around a $50,000 car with instrumental indie pop in the background-yeah they're doing a really good job of making me want a Lexus.
• Bannana Republic with their easy to change from business atire suit to casual night out on the town-they're also doing an excellent job.
• Razor phones, even though i don't have Cingular.
• Virgin Megastore with their goddamn $10 CD's. Those things are like fucking magnets to me.
• Jarhead, with it's phenomenal Kanye West background music trailer.
• J. Crew, even though I can't afford it.
• Starbucks and it's easy access wireless internet. Man I hate/love that place.

All these opportunities to spend money, and no money to spend. I love corporate America and the man. Plus I'm liberal. I think I that might be illegal.

Random Lyric:

"everybody wants that fold of matches to reinflame their confidence."

-The Faint Worked Up So Sexual

Back from Athens

I'm back home-in Chicago that is. Back from a taste of what life used to be like. The feeling I have is a strange and torn one. I hung out with some great old friends on Friday night and man, do I ever miss them. At the same time though, I'm so glad I'm here. It's a testament to how bad that life was for me. I love those kids, I miss them a ton but I had to leave. On the drive home-that long, dark and lonely drive down 316 I got so much thinking done. It was the first time I had driven in forever- it kind of seemed like the first time I'd been alone with nothing to do but think since I moved. And basically what I thought about was how grateful and thankful I was for everything that had ever happened to me. I did a lot of stupid shit, said a lot of terrible things to a lot of great people and I still had all these friends. I was still alive despite all the stupid shit I had done. Locos taught me a lot about people, relationships, friendships, working hard, everything really. I was just happy and content. For the first time, driving down 316, I wasn't reflecting about how I had fucked up a relationship, or about how I said something really mean to someone, or about how I had done something really stupid-I just drove and was happy with who I was and where I had been. I was happy to have the friends I have in Athens, happy to have the family I had in Atlanta, and happy to have the friends and roommates to go back to in Chicago. Sometimes all we need is a change of scenery. Sometimes happiness isn't something easily articulated or explainable. Sometimes you just have to leave. It has nothing to do with who you're dating, the friends you have, your job, money. You just gotta be happy with yourself. I am, for the first time, alone and happy.
Random Song Quote:
"Through the streets and on your own
Almost lost and almost home"
-Doves, Sulphur Man-random lyrics thing working out pretty well.

Back To Athens

This weekend, I return to Georgia for the first time since I moved in August. I really feel like there's some people there that I should see because I have a feeling I'm not gonna make it back anytime soon, if ever again. It's tough. I've grown to love this city and my friends here so much that the draw of Athens isn't there like it used to be. I remember staying at my parents house for a couple days at a time and going so stir crazy-I couldn't wait to get back to the Classis City. Now though, I feel like I have so much here. I've got school and finals hanging over me. I've got some great friends, I've got some prospects. It's going to be really hard going back. I don't know if I want to tell my friends back home that I'm happier now than I've ever been in my entire life. I've never been the kind of guy to brag about my own happiness-whether this is because I've never really been that happy, I don't know. Chicago is home. The midwestern twang is growing on me. I love the hustle and bustle. I love the loop during the rush hours. Something about such productivity, such commerce, life moving so quickly by 8 am is amazing. I've only known the kids in my section for a few weeks but it already seems like I have a good number of great friends. I have made a lot of decisions in my life. Coming to Chicago might be my best.
That being said, I can't wait to drive again-316 has never sounded so promising. I can't wait to see the country again. I can't wait to eat Locos wings. I can't wait to see my friends. Hell, I almost feel like closing the kitchen tommorrow just for the hell of it. The smell of Locos that I used to hate at 9am walking in there hungover-oh it's gonna smell good for a change. Hopefully we can just fall into old times-that's all I really want-well minus the drama. Should be interesting.
Lyrics of the Day (I'm going to hit random and type some lyrics from whatever Itunes comes up with):
"And there’s nothing quite like the blinding light when that curtain’s cast aside, and no attempt is made to explain away the things that really, really, really are behind."
-The least dramatic lyrics of Okkervil River's disturbing song For Real. Fucking great song though.