Phone Call

Why can a phone call make or break a day? It's like the greatest thing in the world if you get the phone call and the worst thing in the world if you don't. Doesn't matter what day it is, birthday, christmas, new years, monday-a certain phone call can make your day or the absence of that phone call can ruin the day regardless of how well everything else is going. Strange. Not sure if it's the phone call, the day, or the person dialing that makes the difference-i just know I've experienced the highs and lows a bunch of times in my life. On Christmas, I hope everybody gets their phone calls.
Quote:
"I go walking
Just to find
My own breath, my own breath through the path."
-Wolf Parade Same Ghost Every Night: From Pitchfork's number 10 album of the year.

Those roads.

Maybe I'm the only one that finds places so sentimental. It's not even just places though, it's more like the accumulation of things that add up to trigger your past memories. One thing I've already talked about it driving 316 from Athens to Atlanta. Today though, driving through traffic on 85, getting off at the Tyrone exit and merging on to 74 with the sun setting and my brother sitting next to me in the good ole jetta-that added up to trigger a lot of memories. It was kind of like being in my old stomping grounds or something. Countless times I've driven from Pendleton (my old neighborhood) down 74 either to Atlanta or to a friends house or to an ex-girlfriends house. It's so rare that I get to do that these days that everytime I do I think about the past. Last night I went out for a few beers with two friends from high school that I still feel pretty close to. We talked about the people from high school that we at times so close to and now don't even really know. We might have heard something about what they were up to a couple of months ago or rumors that they were married, but we really don't have any idea what they are doing. My freshmen year roommate, a guy I was best friends with at graduation, a guy I had been in fights with (on each other's side), a guy that I talked about girls with for the first time, got in trouble with the first time, a guy who my parents set a place at the table for-I don't even know where he is. I don't know where he lives, what he's doing-none of the three of us had any idea and at one point in our lives all of us had been very close to him. We played on his baseball team, had AP classes with him, got drunk with him for the first time-no idea what he's up to. He's just one of a ton of people of whom we had no idea where they were, what they were doing. It's strange to think of how incredibly close you can be with people and how certain turns of events or differences of opinion can make you drift so quickly. It's almost as strange to think of who you're still close to and what that says about those people. How many people from high school are you really close to? Who have you talked to recently, how many people's locales do you know? Not many for me. Not really sure why. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing. I hate the fact that it seems like I just move on when things turn sour or when I outgrow something or when some lifestyle no longer interests me. Still though, those are decisions I made and I have no regrets. But honestly driving down that old road in the cold, Christmas lights in the neighborhood, beers with old friends-it's like Garden State without the funeral. And it's funny too-you go back to those places from the past, see those people you remember the good and the bad times-but you never stay. You're still headed back to your new home, your new friends, your new life wherever that may be. Nothing is ever lucrative (or at least hasn't been yet) to make me stay. That life is over, in your past, and you can't relive it, you can't reclaim it you can just remember it and live the life you've got. I'm having a great time at home, but I really can't wait to be back at the Second City and back with the people who are in my life now.

Year End Review

The other day, someone really important to me told me about how surreal being done with the first semester is. She was riding a train home and said the whole experience was just setting in, and described how strange it was. At that point, I hadn't really sat still long enough to know what she was talking about. After 3 consecutive days of drinking, football game viewing, and wrapping up of lose ends, I've finally gotten a chance to sit down and reflect. As I sit at my kitchen table, alone, listening to music and staring out onto a frozen Lake Michigan-everything really does feel surreal. SO much has happened in such a short period of time, it seems almost unbelievable or impossible to realize how far I've come and changed in less than 6 months. My life is completely different than it was back in Athens. What's really remarkable though is just how quickly things can change and how we as human beings adapt, persevere, and adjust regardless. We find happiness in places and in ways that we never would have imagined before. A couple places I've found happiness:

• In a person who is completely not my type. A person out of my league, a person from a different economic background, a very different childhood. I don't know what we are, or what we will be, but she was really important in getting through some tough times, and I hope I was as good for her as she was for me. And I hope we just let things continue to evolve into whatever makes us happy. I hope she keeps making me laugh like she does. And I hope someday we take a trip, via train, whether we're friends or more.
• In realizing that I was becoming protective of people. I think that's the first sign that the people that you call "friends" are real friends. It's much more obvious that you're becoming protective of the female friends in your life-i think every good man, regardless of whether they ever had a sister-has some sort of protective brother/sister like complex. When I'm calling to make sure people got home safely because I genuinely care about those people. When I'm telling new people in my life to "drive safe" or "be safe" not because it's the easy thing to say but because if something were to happen to them I would be heartbroken, and miss them so much- that's when I know I've got the type of friends I used to have back home. I can never replace the kids down South, but it's comforting to know that you can find good people everywhere.
• In living in a city with character. Knowing I can hop a train, take it to a random neighborhood and find a great restaurant or an awesome dive bar or an indie record store. The other day I walked like 4 blocks from my house in a direction I hadn't really explored and I found all these new shops I had never seen before. I mean, this is a huge city, and when I have the time and money to explore it, I'm going to enjoy it even more. Every corner yields a new discovery, every public transportation experience a new place you pass that you've gotta check out. The faces, food, culture is all so diverse, so eclectic. It's an amazing place. Love of a location is a strange thing, but it's still love.
• In surviving the cold. Okay, so Chicago has a different kind of cold altogether than Atlanta. The type of cold that makes it difficult to think. The type of cold that you have to take a hot shower just to shake the chills. But I've survived it and i like it. There's some weird sense of community I feel in cold weather. It's just like what other topic could 8 million people make small talk about-you can talk about the cold with your friends, your teachers, neighbors, Nigerian cab drivers, homeless guys on the bus-everyone. There's this commonality that we all have that we can all talk about-something everyone experiences and it too gives the city character. Strange, i know, and perhaps I'm just making excuses for the fucking frigid weather-but I really believe I like it.
• In being challenged in ways I've never been before. School is one thing, but there are a lot of other challenges. Finding your way around a new huge city. Having to support your political banter with actual facts-because the people around you know more about it than you do. Making friends. It's all so challenging but so gratifying when you succeed. So yeah, I had to walk considerably farther than I would have liked last night at 4am in 10 degree weather, but I found my way from Wicker Park to Streeterville (pretty far, just for the record), without catching a cab. And drunk. Mission accomplished.
• Being different for once in my life. You go to UGA, you've got 90 percent white kids from upper middle class Atlanta suburbs. Just being from the South makes me different from all the kids from the Chicago and Detroit suburbs. Having worked my way through the second have of school, sets me apart considerably too. My parents helped, but not as much as most kids I've met and I didn't want them to. I'm proud of that accomplishment, proud of that independence.
• Making the Jump. I mean I was scared to move. I'm not gonna sit here and act like I wasn't. It's weird leaving the safety of a place where you have people you know and like around you. It's hard to abandon opportunities that would let you keep those friends and those relationships. But I had to leave, and I did, and I didn't let anything keep me from making that decision. That decision was made by me for my own happiness. The hassles of moving, the more expensive school, the new city where I didn't know anyone, the cold-all of those things could have kept me from making that jump, but sometimes you just know instinctually what's best for you. Moving was it.

My first exam experience..

12 Hours till I'm done with what may be the most heralding, distrubing, mind boggling, frustrating, difficult, challenging, spirit crushing, stimulating, troubling, defeating, changing experience I've ever had. Okay, well that was sufficiently melodramatic. But seriously, this experience is kind of defeating and really does kill you sometimes. I mean, how hard can you work at something, and if you fuck up for even 20 minutes of a three hour test-your grade is fucked. I mean, people talk about how the law school exam process is three hours that decide your entire fate, your success, but when you're in it-20 minutes can decide your success. Civil procedure, for example. While answering a terrible hypothetical, i spent 20 minutes going down the completely wrong path-i figured out the right answer, but not really in time to provide any sort of in-depth analysis. To be completely honest, I could not be more disappointed with how I performed. Not disappointed with how I prepared, not disappointed with what I knew, none of that-just how I performed. I mean I completely fucking choked on civil procedure and haven't exactly been a stud with the others. It's difficult for me to guage the intelligence of the class. I mean it's no UofC, but these people aren't stupid. I'm not the smartest kid in the world, but when they throw in 60 mechanical or chemical engineers in a law school section-i have NO idea how I'm gonna measure up. Granted, they're science kids-maybe they blow at writing, but still. I mean, we've got Phd's, masters students, and it's no secret they throw all the scholarship kids in one section to battle it out for their money. That section is ours-the fun of being in IP. Nevertheless, I knew the shit-sure i could've performed better, written a little faster-the stuff could've come to the forefront of my mind faster than it did, but still at least it did. No point in beating myself up now. Might as well finish some US v. Lopez analysis and go to bed. I know con law, hell i love con law. Let's just go and bust out an A tommorrow and get old school shitty.

Itunes, top Ten

One last post, while I'm on a roll. If you don't have Itunes yet, you're probably still using a search engine besides Google. Did you read the study yo-people that use Google make 20% more than those that use other search engines. Get Itunes, use google. When you've had itunes for a few months, look at your most played songs-if you connect your Ipod, the amount of plays will synch up with the pod-it's pretty cool to figure out what you've listened to the most. Here are my top 10:
1. Broken Social Scene-Ibi Dreams of Pavement (A Better Day): 26 times.-by the way, i've had the album for less than two months.
2. Hope For A Golden Summer-Midwest: 26 times
3. The Arcade Fire-Wake Up: 23 times
4. Kanye West-Crack Music: 22 times
5. Ghostface-Beat the Clock: 21 times
6. ...And You Will Know us by the trail of dead: Caterwaul: 20 times
7. The Shout Out Louds: Very loud: 20 times
8. Hope for A Golden Summer-Malt Liquor: 19 times
9. Kanye West: Diamonds from Sierra Lionne feature Jay Z remix: 19 times
10. TV on the Radio: The Wrong Way: 19 times.

See, if you look at your list, you can't fake your indie cred. It's just what you listen to the most. Granted, I wish I had some Okkervil River, Radiohead, or Wolf Parade up here-but this is what i listen to (okkervil river "for real" was a close 11th). The funny thing though is like the arcade fire album-the second, third, fourth most listened to songs on that album are like 16 or 17 times played. When i listen to that album, i listen to the whole thing. Same with TV on the Radio and Ghostface. Hope for a Golden Summer and Kanye-i just listen to those select songs a lot. What are your top ten? Do you need to re-evaluate your music life? I think mine are respectable, but not as respectable as one would hope.

It's allright, cause it's saturday night.

• Studied all day. Still studying. The aggregate could have substantial effect on interstate commerce.
• A lot of the Lake is frozen-at least as far as I can see when it's dark. It's strange-frozen and covered in snow. But there are areas that I guess are moving-so they kind of carve out little rivers in the ice. If you look out my window right now, it looks like I live in Antartica but with rivers. Well, unless you look the other way and see the skyscrapers-then it just looks like I live in a really fucking cold city.
• Okay, so I was thinking-as soon as I wake up, whether it's 630am or 1100am, I put on music. If my roommates are awake, it's on the speakers, if they aren't, my ipod is in my ears before my hair is combed or my teeth are brushed. So the other day, when I was taking my final, I put ear plugs in-and hated it. Silence was so foreign-my life is never silent. It's either the sounds of the city, the sounds of a teacher, the sounds of my friends, a bar, or my ipod. I hated it-i just wanted something to listen to. It's weird to see if the Ipod will have any long term effect on peoples hearing-or on their psyche. It's a strange phenomenom-to never have silence. I feel like I learned something in psychology or sociology about how silence isn't just important to babies' ability to sleep but is also important in their mental development. I wonder what the absence of silence will do to adults. Haven't thought about it too much, but somebody should do a study.
• Speaking of studies-if anyone ever wants to do a study of the effects of caffeine on the human body-i got a great group. I have a friend that drinks 2-2liter bottles of diet coke a day-that's 4 total liters a day. The other day-i chain drank coffee. I had to take a step back and look at myself. I was like-you just finished a grande regular, and now you're getting another-back to back. What are you thinking? I mean it's a weird feeling, the need for caffeine. I'm not really sure what it is. I mean, I'm tired until I get the first dose-and I can feel myself getting sleepy around 2pm, when I get another. But now it's like I just always have to have a diet coke/coke zero/starbucks reg grande/dunkin donuts french vanilla by my side at all times. Maybe it's just some comfort thing. It's like having a cigarette but different.
• God I'm wired-i need to get back to riding the bike for 30-45 minutes. I can't stop moving my legs, but have no outlet for my energy, besides studying I suppose. I walked all the way home from school (about 30 minute brisk walk) in the snow and in the cold, just cause i needed to get some exercise. By the way-the hating tourist thing is magnified right now. Here's the thing-tourists that are like families or kids or old people-they're endearing, i like 'em. They're clueless but they're fun. However, people my age that are taking PICTURES IN FRONT OF THE VIRGIN STORE-that is not a landmark! Virgin Megastore is NOT A CHICAGO LANDMARK. For Christ sakes there is 50 places i can think of within 3 blocks of that store more scenic, interesting and photo worthy. Go to Virgin to buy CD's, not to take pictures. 3 dudes and 2 hot girls, and the girls were rolling their eyes when the guys wanted to take pictures-sometimes I wonder how girls like that end up with such fucking losers.
• Speaking of tourists-i was asked 4 times today for directions. That makes me happy for some reason. I've talked about this before. It's nice to know that you look like you know what's up but not to the point where you look unapproachable or like an asshole. Three times, the directions were just in the building, asking where to find a certain room or floor, but still it was cool. The fourth was money though-they asked where a particular store was and I knew down to the block, cross street, everything. It was cool, but than again, I'm a dork. Seriously though, I love getting to know a place-like really know it. I kind of feel like I might really enjoy getting to know a place, but when i do, i want to move on. That's how it was in Athens-hopefully Chi is big enough to hold my interest. Then again, i'll never know this whole city.
• Soju soon.

Lyrics:

"He makes a rusty trumpet sound like the music angels make."

Aesop Rock, math rap

Coffee and cigarettes?

Well, not cigarettes. But hey, is it healthy to wash down 3 advil with a cup of coffee, followed by another cup, followed by a third-all in like under an hour? My body hates me right now. It's kind of like when you're hungover and you start drinking while still hungover and you can tell you're body is like "are you serious" but you do it anyways. Still though, those first couple swallows of beer, the gag reflex is in full effect like you were fourteen and drinking vodka for the first time. Or it's like when you've sleep deprived yourself (also known as deprived yourself of sleep, for those eloquent people out there) for a really long time and you sleep straight through the alarm with no recollection of it going off because your body just took control and was like "fuck this, we're staying in bed." Well, that's kind of how my body, or maybe head feels when I pick up something to study it. It's like "honestly, we just finished an incredibly intense 3 hours now you want us to deal with the Dormant Commerce Clause?" Final push to the sum though. Gotta study, can't really do much about it.

Oh, also-sentences for music reviews should not have more than 3 clauses or two obscure references. I "parse language" for a living. It's all I do, all day long-it's all we do in school-but when I can't figure out what the fuck pitchfork is saying about the old Aesop Rock album, they have gotten too intellectual. Come on, I know you cats are English majors, but can we keep the sentences as un-Dennis Miller like as possible. I can handle the one reference to an obscure hip hop artist from the past, but when you throw 54 clauses in the sentence it has become unmanageable. Still, you gotta love Pitchfork despite their pretentiousness.

6 more days left. Then Bar Friday, Party Saturday, Falcons/Bears game Sunday-it's the NIGHT GAME-gonna be ridiculous.

Lyrics
"There's Bourbon on the breath of the singer you love so much. He takes all his words from the books that you don't read anyway. His jaw's been broken his bandage is wrapped too tight. My fangs have been pulled and I really want to see you tonight."
I wish I had never hated Wilco Yankee Hotel Foxtrot-especially since my bus goes by the buildings on the cover of the album every single day.

Absent

Haven't posted in a while. Finals are kicking my ass. This shit is kind of ridiculous. I mean, I'm smart, but that civ pro question was just dick. Straight high school talk we got going here. Anyways-started snowing apparently tonight while i was in the library. I walk outside about 830pm to catch my bus, yeah 8 inches on the ground. Wait 45 minutes in the snow and 15 degree weather and Chicago wind, only to eventually give up and catch another bus that brings me like 5 blocks from my house. In snow, that feels like about 15. But honestly, the snow is so great-it's just different. You get used to the cold. Tea, coffee, soup taste better. Hot showers are AMAZING. This city is so fucking great. The city lights and the city people are the only thing that make finals tolerable. I love it.

So yeah, is it a problem that i have to drink a gin and tonic every night to chill out? Perhaps 1L is the reason there are so many damn alcoholic lawyers. Honestly, there's bars that cater just to lawyers.

Tommorrow, for the final, I'm gonna walk in with headphones on. Can't let 'em see you sweat. Kristen said it was intimidating to others and soothing to her-so that's the plan. Kind of like TO walking into Eagles camp-but different.

The Urge "Closer" old school stylie made me think of someone so much tonight. I have 3,000+ songs on Itunes and it hasn't come up on "random" in at least a year. Tonight it did-kind of strange, feeling sentimental but it was good stuff. For once in my life, it brings back such fond memories instead of how I fucked stuff up. It reminds me that I didn't fuck it up enough to ruin a friendship, for which I'm so grateful now. People say the friends/ex thing can't work. It can.

Why does law school blur perspectives so much? You have to alter your view of everything to do well and it some how blurs your view of reality. It's really weird. You get so close to these people so quick, finals role around, and everyone is on their own. Let's just be friends on the 16th.

Not gonna win the makeout contest. I'll be lucky with 1.

Lab to work to cooking to counting money to drinking till 2am to Timothy Road, to Macon Highway, to Milledge, to Milledge Court, to cold shower (because we didn't pay the bill, just to clarify) to watching The Shield for hours. It was a strange life, but it was life and sometimes I miss that life. Like tonight, rolling the windows down, making that drive listening to "blacking out the friction"-that'd be great. Wish i was at the Secret Santa party-but alas, life must progress. Christ, as much as I miss people, I'm so glad it progressed. Let's get finals over and have some fun kids.
Lyrics:
"All I ever wanted was to pick apart the day, put the pieces back together my way."
Aesop Rock.

30.5 Hours

30.5 hours until I take my first final. Until I sit down and see if I can really do this shit. Honestly, I can't wait. I think I'm getting dumber by the minute. More exhausted, more fed up with Civil Procedure. I just wanna do it and move on to torts. I'm gonna do fine, hope everyone else does-but we all know that's not possible. I hope I don't disappoint myself. Worst thing is-I don't care if people think I'm smart. Honestly, I think it'd be hilarious is someone who has come off as stupid the whole semester busts out some tremendous grades-it'd kind of make my day. Unfortunately, I apparently put forth some air of intelligence which means I have a lot to live up to. See really, I just don't freak out and let this process destroy my life and my sanity. I'm really happy where I am right now and I'm not gonna let a couple of weeks of hell change that. I do poorly-fuck it, I'll laugh it off and do better next time. I do well, fantastic. It would be pretty phenomenal to live up to expectations, but if it doesn't happen, it's not the end of the world.


30.5 HOURS.

Lyrics:
"And you may ask yourself, "how do I work this?"
and you may ask yourself "Where is that large automobile?"
And you may tell yourself "this is not my beautiful house!"
And you may tell yourself "this is not my beautiful wife!"
Letting the days go by."
-Talking Heads

Friday Night

• Cold enough to bring tears to your eyes when the wind hits them.
• Library is quiet enough to be creepy.
• Scalia is conservative, but I love is Semtek opinion.
• Time is the problem and the solution at this point.
• Shoulders hurt.
• Two weeks left.
• Writing stuff-handwriting stuff, makes me remember it. I don't have to reread it, just write it.
• I seriously am having trouble talking and making conversation. I swear, it's really weird and frustrating. I'm stuttering and bumbling words and slurring words and I'm not drunk. Just don't have anymore processing room in the brain. This stuff is a little complex, but I love it. It's kind of like a puzzle but different.
• Hope everyone is having more fun than I am on my Friday night.
• Worthless post.

Prez

Is there any doubt President Bush will go down as the worst President in the history of the United States? His economic policies will cripple the country in about 8 years-just the time I'm thinking about having kids, I'll probably be thinking about whether or not my job is secure. Our trillions of dollars in debt-who owns that debt? Japan, nope. France, Germany, the EU, nope. CHINA. Great policy Mr. Bush-get our country in debt to the one other military superpower in the world. Fucking idiot. He has arguably the most corrupt administration in the history of the office. Scooter Libby who revealed the name of a top secret CIA spy while she was IN THE FIELD rides to work every day with the Vice President. And you mean to tell me the VP didn't know he was going to do this-bullshit, don't insult my intelligence. Save that nonsense for rural America. This is the administration that calls Democrats that speak out against the war UNPATRIOTIC. Let's think about this. Is it unpatriotic to speak out and try and bring our troops home, express your opinion, exercise your freedom of speach-no, that's one of the most patriotic things a politician can do. Speaking out when you know the country may reject your stance takes a lot of courage. What Scooter Libby did-reveal the name of a CIA agent because she was the WIFE of a political opponent is the most despicable, unpatriotic thing I've ever heard. She is a spy-she sacrifices her life and her family to protect our country-the most dangerous and patriotic thing someone can do. And what does one of the highest office in the land do-put her life in danger by revealing her name because her husband spoke out against the war. And for the Vice President to say he didn't know about it is insulting. Did anybody listen to the President's "Plan for Victory" the other day? Wait, wait I'm confused-he already gave a victory speach-remember the one on the ship? Oh so now that victory is rescinded and now we finally got a plan...wait, did you hear the plan. It wasn't a plan it was more "smoke the terrorists out of their homes" shit. That isn't a plan. I mean the democrats have no ideas, but this guy really has no clue what he's doing. We're going to be in Iraq until another President comes into power. I hope the American people can take it. Meanwhile, we're spending billions of dollars building schools and hospitals in Iraq while we don't even decent schools in half the nation. It's dispicable. Oh, and for the record-Cheney's former company Halliburton, provided Thanksgiving dinner to our troops, which they no doubt deserved and was a noble cause. What do you think a turkey costs the United States for the troops? The answer...$500 dollars for a 25 pound turkey. Hmm, that's interesting, because I read that turkey during the first gulf was, provided by a different company cost the US about $100. I understand there is inflation, but you think that $500 charge had anything to do with Cheney being a shareholder and a former board member. Not sure. I guess it's possible. But then again, how could the greatest office in the land have any corruption? If patriotism is what the President is displaying than I don't ever want to be called patriotic.
President's Fuck Ups:
National Debt
Economy
Katrina
Iraq
CIA
9/11 (granted, Clinton is probably as much to blame)
International Diplomacy
-Let's get our troops home by next Christmas.
Lyrics:
"I summon you to appear...my love."
-Is this a great love song or a song of Service of Process. not sure.
-Spoon.