Connection

After you graduate, connections with your home town seem to slowly die off. At first, you have major connections-maybe it's the mutual hometown of you and a high school girlfriend, you are still financially dependant on your parents and therefore obliged to return at least monthly. Maybe you still have some pretty close friends that stayed or come back a lot. You miss your mom's cooking. You have some underclassman friends. Whatever it may be, you initially have a lot of connections.

As the years progress, those connections are either severed by breakups or friendships ending in fights. They are severed by people that used to be at home, moving to far away lands. Maybe your brothers or sisters go off to college. More often though, they just fade. Friendships don't end in meltdowns, even breakups are sometimes rekindled. But they just fade. The once a week phone call turns into once every ten days. Soon it's once a month. Eventually it's around the holidays. Finally, maybe the calls just come at Christmas when everyone is home for a while. Eventually your connections are few and far between.

Right now, I feel like my connections are basically gone. Both brothers have left the nest. The three people I would ever call were I to come back home and want to hang out are now in South Korea, Russia, and one is living with a guy in a town a few miles away. The last time I was in Athens I had lunch with one friend, who I don't think will be there much longer. Another friend is leaving the town for a job in just a couple of weeks. My dad works for Delta; were they to go under I fully believe my parents would sell the house and get out of town for good. The Evan-Atlanta connection is fading. Hopefully my parents will be here for a few more years, but really, there's not a whole lot more left here. Couple of kids in Atlanta, one in Augusta-but not really any in towns that I would've called "home" (being Athens and Atlanta). It's weird, but I believe Georgia is behind me. Time to put down some roots somewhere else. It's not sad. I don't want anyone to think that. It's just digging up and setting down somewhere else. Each summer that fades takes a few connections with it. Before you know it, I'll have kids and be living in some shady suburb. Hopefully that's a few years, and few more uprootings away, but who knows.

If I had to tell the graduates something

So I have been back in my hometown of Tyrone for the past couple days for my youngest brother's graduation. I have sat through a number of graduation-related ceremonies and celebrations. I have heard all sorts of advice from older, wiser kids and parents to the graduating students. I have heard valedictorian speeches, salutatorian speeches, teacher speeches, preacher speeches and just about everything in between. I don't know what I would have said at my high school graduation had I been able to give a speech. Asking a high school student to give their classmates a speech filled with words of wisdom is like asking the blind to lead the blind. We don't know anything when we graduate high school. Hell, I still don't know that much and I'm pushing a quarter of a century here.

All these speeches got me to thinking about what I would tell my child if they were graduating. What speech would I make were I in the position my parents were? I don't know exactly what the most important tidbit of information or advice is in successfully navigating the big bad unbearably difficult and delightfully challenging task that is real life. I really don't. But I think, if I were to give people advice it'd go something like this:

Where you are is never going to be the same. The geography will never be the same. The hangouts will change, the mall will change, there will be more buildings, the bars that used to be cool will close, the restaurant that used to have the best food will now suck. The roads will be busier, there will be less trees, bigger houses, more grocery stores. That quaint backroad will be lined with neighborhoods. Life changes, and so do the places we live.

The people will never be the same. Most people will have left what used to be "home" whether that be your hometown or your college town. The people that are still there will not be the same as they were when you used to hang out with them. They will have jobs, and things to do, and maybe a husband or wife and some kids. They'll be living with someone, or they'll be on their way out of town. They'll have a great job, or a deadend job, or they'll be working the same job they were when you left, they'll just hate it a lot more. The people you used to love will have changed. They may have changed for the better, they may have changed for the worse, but they'll be different-I guarantee it. Mostly though, they'll just be gone for better places and bigger things.

The time will never be the same. Right now, right at this moment-well I don't know. The moment is fleeting. It doesn't seem like it is. It seems like high school, or undergrad, or the summer, or law school or whatever it may be-they seem like they last forever. It seems like you have months and years ahead of you to enjoy these "moments" in your life-but they are fleeting. And to top it all off, they don't seem all that cool at the time, but trust me, they are.

I wouldn't tell people to "cherish these moments" or to "make these friends golden" or whatever the hell all those cliches are. I think I'd just tell people to enjoy it, because you really can't go back. Things change and things change quickly. Instead of worrying about having a job, constantly worrying about your grades just enjoy it. Just take some time to sit back and realize what you've got-and that's a shitload of time to have a lot of fun. Try and be good. Try not to hurt anyone too bad. Try not to hurt yourself. Don't hurt your family. Don't fuck with people's heads. Don't screw up your grades too badly. Don't drink too much. But hell, drink, have fun, enjoy your friends while they are who they are. Because they are going to change. They are going to move. Above all though, it'll be you who changes, not anyone else. Life is fleeting. The good and the bad fade quickly. Just focus on the good, at least for right now in your life. At least before you have responsibilities like clients, and kids, and husbands and wives. Just focus on the good while it's still easy. Enjoy.

Lyrics
"Don't talk, just listen to all the voices nature brought."
Centro-Matic

Clear Your Head

Go for a walk.
Work out.
Take a hot shower.
Watch Sportcenter.
Watch an Episode of the Shield.
Read a book.
Drink a beer.

I can't clear my head to save my life. I can't clear it of them, of her, of the past year, of my past, of the present, of the future, of the people around me, of the people behind me, of my successes, of my failures, of the ups and downs, of the late nights studying, of the even later nights drinking, of what the fuck I'm gonna do this summer, and of how far I've come since last summer. I can't clear my head. You can't just shut off the racing it's been doing for 8 months. You can't just flip a switch. Doesn't work that way apparently. Fuck it.

"Butterflies are passive aggressive."

Fragility

It's strange how life is so fragile. Not fragile in the delicate nature type of way, but just fragile in the type of choices we make. The paths we take can break our chances at other opportunities. The choices we make in relationships end them or make them last. Our lives are full of small and simple choices that have huge effects on our lives. Life is full of small events that aggregate to have a tremendous effect on who we are and what we become.

One fight in downtown Athens in front of the wrong people, and I might not be on my way to passing the bar. One sentence here or there makes the difference between an A and a B. One A or B is the difference in getting a job. One letter in the alphabet maybe I would've ended up in a different law school section. I would've known completely different people. One room down in Myers I wouldn't have met half the people that I still call some of my oldest and best friends. One Craig's List post ignored, who knows who I'd live with now.

One bad choice and you lose your job. One job loss and you might lose your home. Losing your home leads to losing your family and losing your family makes you not care about anything any more. A lot of times I see homeless people and I wonder what it takes for someone to get to that position in their life. It's difficult to be sympathetic because the problem is so prevalent. In my head, I'm thinking it's just another person that's addicted to drugs or addicted to the bottle. But really, it's so easy to end up like that. Even if they are addicted to a drug; it's not that difficult to end up in that position. One try of something at one party you didn't even really want to go to-five years later your life can be in shambles. One alcholic and abusive father, and you become an alcoholic and abuse your family. One little thing here or there can change everything.

The scariest part about life and about choices are the effects the small choices have on you. It's the decisions that seem so small at the time that end up being so huge, so life changing. It's scary that you never know it at the time. A little kiss turns into something huge. One too many drinks turns into something terrible. One slip of the tongue results in huge regrets. Small things. That's what scares me. One hour missed of studying. One night out missed with friends. One day wasted. They add up. Big decisions always take a lot of thought, a lot of contemplation, a lot of time. It's the little ones that get you in the end. The little choice that led to regret or the small decision that led to your happiness. It's all a wash in the end really. Win some, lose some.

There's the cheesy phrase, used in the famous Al Pacino speech in Any Given Sunday-life is a game of inches. And really, that's garbage. Life is a game of inches in...well, in football, maybe in surgery, perhaps in surveying or something. But other than that, life is not a game of inches. It's more like a game of chance or something. Because you don't know what you're doing when you do it. You don't know the effect your choices have on yourself or on the people around you. Sure you know when the big decisions have to be made, but most of the time, you're just walking through the dark like everyone else. No one knows what they're doing. That's why psychologists always kill themselves. You just gotta hope for the best.

Lyrics:
"I try to imagine a careless life. A scenic life, where all the sunsets are breathtaking."
Beirut Gulag Orkestra

3/5 of the way there

So as of today, my grades in 3 out of 5 classes are decided. Can't do anything about it now, might as well not worry. I have to admit though, the grind is starting to wear on me. One week though. One week. For anyone that is interested: Cubs v. Nationals on Thursday the 18th. Should be a shit show.

Elijah Wood

Elijah Wood could be caught having sex with 1,000 women on film. This film could be distributed by a large porn distribution company to people around the world. Photos could be taken of Elijah Wood making out with all of the world's most amazing supermodels. Elijah Wood could be caught on digital audio describing his latest sexual romps with the woman of the moment. I could witness, live and in person, Elijah Wood having sex with multiple women.

I will never believe that Elijah Wood is not gay.

No matter how hard he tries.