Friday Night In

The last Friday night in I spent in because I had nowhere to go. Tonight, I had like 5 places to go, but just couldn't. Last weekend was like one long bender and I felt it this week. It was difficult to focus, difficult to get my head in the right place. It was borderline overly emotional and the week was a little depressing and defeating. In addition to last weekend, Wednesday was a drunken, random, crazy night that could've measured up to a lot of nights in Athens-certainly not all the nights-but a lot. So, some politics:
This week I went to a discussion about the confirmation of John Roberts and a professor brought up an interesting point. This point seems ridiculous and far fetched. That being said, this professor clerked for Ruth Bader Ginsberg (a Supreme Court Justice) and graduated from Harvard Law, so the guy is pretty fucking smart and knows more about what he's talking about than I ever will. He made a statement at this discussion that I really had never thought of. He said that the Republican's worst nightmare is a Supreme Court ban on abortion. That to me was strange. To me, it seemed like if Republicans accomplished this they would have a great platform to display their success. He went on to say that a large portion of Republican votes-more 3%, the amount they needed to win the Presidential election-turned out to vote because they were concerned about abortion. These votes are people in rural areas in Midwestern and Southern states that are turning out for moral reasons-and more power to them. I love it that people turned out to vote in the election and it's incredibly troubling to the Democratic Party that there was a significant turnout and they still lost. Democratic theory revolved around the notion that, if they could get a big turnout, they would win-that most people sided with Democratic ideals. Well, they were wrong. Regardless, back to this professor's point. He said that if the Supreme Court were to take stances in favor of the Christian Right, mainly on abortion and gay rights, the rural, Christian vote wouldn't turn out. I mean can you really argue with the guy? When exit poles showed that such a large amount of these people turned out for moral reasons it's difficult to say they would turn out in such force in the absence of such moral questions. So, this professor's theory was that President Bush nominated someone with a conservative appearence, but that would never overturn abortion rights. Crazy, huh? And it seems far fetched, it seems crazy and deceiving but it makes so much sense. I honestly wouldn't have believed it four months ago. I wouldn't have believed it (and might still not) had I not spent the last couple months learning how to comprehend the reasoning behind political and legal decisions. It makes sense-and it makes much more sense when you hear it from a group of professors that are incredibly intelligent. I know I need to learn to think for myself in matters such as this, but honestly, they're experienced Supreme Court clerks-I'd be stupid not to believe them.
Quote of the Day:
In lieu of lyrics, a quote or paraphrase from my roommate: "I love fall so much-you know what I did last night? I opened the skylight and let the 45 degree air in, looked at the stars and made it feel like I was camping in the middle of fall. Don't worry, I close the skylights when it gets really really cold."
-I'm not gonna lie, it's lame, but I relate.

Torts

In contrast to the majority of my other classes, torts is both interesting and often entertaining-and would be to the average person. You know how people always talk about those crazy lawsuits filed all the time-some guy suing McDonald's for making him fat, a robber suing an owner of a house he was breaking into after he fell through a roof-well we read those all day. Sometimes they're funny but man tonights were depressing. Here's the rundown:
1. Metro-North Commuter Railroad Company v. Buckley- This guy sues his former employer for emotional distress damages because he's been damaged by the thought that he could some day get cancer from the asbestos he's been exposed to. Okay, it's not that interesting.
2. Gammon v. Osteopathic Hospital of Maine- Son sues hospital for emotional damages after he opens a bag from the hospital his father has just died in. The bag was supposed to contain his fathers personal effects. It contained a bloody, severed leg. Somebody lost their job over that one.
3. Portee v. Jaffee-The saddest case we've read yet. Little kid is playing in an elevator, gets caught between the door and the elevator shaft and is dragged up three floors. Mother watches helplessly as police try and free her son. He died on the scene. She sues for emotional damages, and I really hope she won-a lot.
4. Johnson v. Jamaica Hospital- Parents sue after their infant is abducted from the hospital during a bomb scare. He was returned unharmed.
-There were a couple other interesting ones. Can people in an elevator sue for witnessing a man get decapitated when the elevator malfunctions? Can a woman sue when she is told her son has died in an accident when it turns out it really wasn't her son? I think she should just be grateful her son's alive. Can you sue if your negligently told you have AIDS when you really don't? Either way, this class is interesting, if not occasionally depressing and morbid.
-Kind of chilly here today. Definetly not used to wearing a sweatshirt in September but that's Chicago in the fall.
-Been spending time musically in letters T-W

A Girl

• I want a girl that thinks huddling at a bus stop on Diversey and Sheriden on an abnormally cold September night is romantic.
• I want a girl that thinks the ride back on a bus filled with low lifes is worth the view you get when Lakeshore merges with Michigan.
• I want a girl that knows how bad my shoulders hurt at the end of the day.
• I want a girl that looks forward to cooking dinner for me as much as I look forward to cooking dinner for her.
• I want a girl that can stand up to my friends "I live with him", "I'm engaged to her," talk without feeling intimidated, afraid or aprehensive.
• I want a girl that can tolerate the cold.
• I want a girl whose house, condo or apartment serves as an escape for my everyday life.
• I want a girl who will understand that I'm not neglecting her, I'm just working hard.
• I want a girl that makes me a better guy.
• I want a girl that wakes up with me every morning.
• I want a girl that kisses me when I leave and kisses me when I return.

thought

How many people do you imagine were supposed to meet on a bus, subway, grocery store, or street and didn't because they had their Ipods on? It just makes initiating a conversation after that oh so important eye contact impossible. You've gotta think that a huge amount of people, over the course of a year, meet on a bus and eventually become friends, lovers, husbands, wives, something at least. Ipods-ruining people's game since 2001.

Things to do before you die

1. Places to see: Hong Kong, Tokyo, Bombay, the Himalayas, Moscow, London, Prague, somewhere in Spain, Egypt, South Africa, the Serenghetti, Rio de Janeiro, the Andes, the Alps a couple more times, Sydney, New Zealand, Florence. I'd put Antartica on there, but really how great can Antartica be and if I put that on there it'd just be so I could say I've seen all seven continents.
2. Things to do: sky dive, bungee jump, hang glide, ski the alps and the andes, go for a real long sailing trip in the Pacific Islands, hike somewhere in the Himalayas, visit Paris or Florence with someone I love, follow a band around the country for at least five tour dates, backpack Europe as a celebration of retirement, learn to golf, live in a non-english speaking country for at least 6 months.
3. Things to accomplish: Raise good kids, do some good in the world, grow old satisfied with what I've done, retire on the ski slopes, or a ranch, or an island in the middle of nowhere, be an honest attorney whose goal is to help my clients, stay healthy, keep my main motivation something other than money, be somebody's hero (even if it's just my five year old daughters), become elected to something.

So I was thinking, you can't possibly see all the places you haven't seen before you die. You can't possibly do everything you want to do. Likewise, you're not going to accomplish everything you set out to in a lame list such as the preceeding. If you make out a list, you're surely forgetting something you wanted to see, do, or accomplish. You can't do it all. So I was thinking. If, knowing you can't do everything on your lists, you eliminated one thing at a time until there were just one or two places to see, things to do, and goals to accomplish-what would you come out with? Shouldn't these couple of things be your main priorities in life. Shouldn't the next trip be to the place that you would want to see the most, if you knew you'd never see another place on the list. If someone came to you and told you that your days were limited. You could pick one thing from each list, and when the place had been seen, the thing had been done, and the goal had been accomplished, your time was up-what would you pick? I know this is a morbid thought, but I think, at least for me, it's a good way to figure out what you want out of your life.

Mine would be: 1) New Zealand 2) Go for a real long sailing trip in the Pacific (presumably if I could visit Florence or Paris with someone I loved I could do this with someone I love) 3) Be somebody's hero.

New Zealand seems like such a cool and diverse place to visit that, were I to pick one, I'd wanna pick a place with beaches, mountains and rainforests. Paris and Florence are overrated but to bum around the Pacific Islands for a few months with somebody I cared about would be amazing. And, the last one, I guess being somebody's hero is the only way you're really remembered. If you're never anybody's hero you're just a regular, good person to most people. Being someone's hero means that, in their mind, you are unforgettable.

Lyrics of the Day:

"I got a hand, So I got a fist, So I got a plan, It's the best that I can do, Now we'll say it's in God's hands, But God doesn't always have the best goddamn plans, does he?"

Wolf Parade Dear Sons and Daughters of Hungry Ghosts.

Seen

Today I saw the following:

1. A seven piece brass band that was incredibly good playing on the streets by school just to try and sell CD's.
2. The same woman I've seen on the bus almost everyday for two weeks.
3. An old woman carrying a bird on her arm through an apartment building where the apartments are $500,000 and up.
4. Possibly the cutest kid I've seen since I moved to Chicago.
5. Someone sleeping on the bus.
6. Two men, dressed like pimps, preaching though a microphone attached to a small boombox.
7. A doorman walking a dog.
8. A 3 ounce vile of balsamic vinaigrette that was 45 dollars.
9. My fantasy football team loose a tie breaker-ties go to the player with more bench points.
10. My Civil Procedure teacher-an older man named Greenberger-discuss oral sex (we were talking about the Jones v. Clinton case).
11. The most unconventionally beautiful girl I've ever seen in real life.
12. A man working the register at Subway trying to teach an obviously recent immigrant to the United States how to say "please" and "thank you" to customers. The man had the pronunciation and timing down pat. The volume was what he struggled with.
13. The River, The Lake, the shoreline, The Sunset, the Sears tower, the Hancock Building, a skyscraper being built out my front door-oh and a forecast for a high of 56 and a low of 43 and windy in a few days. Fall is here.
14. A face from the past on someone from the present.

Lyrics of the Day:

In lieu of lyrics of the day I'm going to suggest some bands. If you're not listening, or haven't heard Chin Up, Chin Up or Wolf Parade you should check them out. They're fucking awesome.

Things work out

So the weekend was a wash in terms of productivity. Got next to nothing done and felt like the past two days I would've been better off sleeping. At least if I had done that I'd be caught up on sleep. No such luck. She did call though, and I feel much better about things, and for that am grateful. Sometimes things that could've been a real disaster turn out much less consequential than you'd ever imagine.
I went back and read some of my past posts-mainly the first couple. The early ones reminded me of how much I used to fear failure. I used to fear failing my friends, family, myself. That fear was my motivating factor in almost everything-my studies, how hard I worked, how I treated people-everything really. I think the fact that fear was a motivation made me really miserable. Fear of failure has a horrible drawback-you fail, we all do. I've failed in relationships, school, friendships, managing, Friday night rushes, and the list could go on. Failure is inevitable and when I failed, I took it to heart way too much. My motivation should never have come from a fear of failure. Anything would've been a healthier motivating factor in life. Right now I don't have that fear-at least not as a motivating factor in my life. I love what I do, I love the city and I really like the people (you can love a city, love your work but I'm not saying I love anyone until I'm in love again). It sounds cheezy but my motivation is the work I'm doing, the challenges I'm facing, the success I'm having and the vast amount of knowledge I'm learning. Those motivating factors feal so genuine when you compare them to fear as a motivating factor. I don't feel like I need to have the high powered $2600 Kirkland and Ellis summer associateship to be happy. As long as I land a decent job that allows me to pay my student loans, buy and apartment, and maybe a Passat I'll be fine. That being said, most of the firms in this town I like are high powered, high stress, high pay places but I'm confident I'll find something I really like. If I love what I do, I'm gonna be damn good at it, and if I'm good at it the money will come. I meet these people who are so obsessed with getting these ridiculous jobs, that hate school, that are in it so they can afford fucking theatre tickets, dinner at Gibson's and five star hotels. I wanna shake them. The plays and dinners and hotel rooms aren't going to make up for the fact that you work at a firm 80 hours a week doing work you can't stand. Their motivation is in the wrong place and I understand that mentality so much because mine was in the wrong place for a long time. It's back where it should be-wanting to do something because I like to do it, not because I fear what might happen if I don't. So kids, new #1 fear: Not finding someone to settle down with and love, ever.
Lyric of the Day
"Sensitive thugs, y'all all need hugs."
-Jay-Z Heart of the City

just call

Just call me so I don't feel like an asshole. I'm not sure how the end of the night, well, ended but I know when I woke up you weren't there. You seem like a cool girl, even though I don't know you. I remember you saying "You're not gonna call me in the morning" but I did, and you didn't answer. This why I don't do things like this.

Strange

Today I saw this amazingly beautiful woman that I soon realized was well into her 40s. Is that strange?

Brick

I'd been to bars with bricks before. Before, those bricks reminded me of places back home-of 321 E. Clayton Street, of Locos, of Blind Pig, of the Brass Rail, of Nowhere Bar, of any bar in Athens really. Those bricks were subtle reminders that Chicago bars, Chicago restaurants, Chicago clubs, weren't all that different from back home. Chicago food-wings, burgers, steaks, reminded me of places back home-Locos, Blind Pig, Last Resort. Fine food from Chicago reminded me of fine food from Georgia. The cool, dry breeze off Lake Michigan reminded me of how fucking hot it was in Georgia. The difficulties and hours upon hours of studying reminded me of the countless hours a week I spent on Organic Chemistry, back home. I'd meet people that reminded me of Lisa, Tim, Tony, Tram-Anh, Jamie, Kim, Joe, Zach, Zack, Casey, Veronica, Alex, Drew, Tim Sheperd, and everyone I once knoew. The people I met reminded me of home. Tonight though, tonight was different. The brick didn't remind me of home-it felt like home. The wings didn't taste like home-I felt like I was home. The people I've met didn't remind me of friends back home-they'd become friends, and great friends at that. The transition between reminding me of home and being home has been crossed. Chicago is home, and it will be for a while. It's a great city. I can't imagine anywhere feeling like home as much as this place does for a long time. The weather, the food, the people, I'm Home, it's home.

Old People

When I ride the bus I see a lot of old people. Not old like, retired and golfing in Florida. These people are old in the sense that it takes every effort and all the strength they have for the entire day just to go pick up something from the grocery store. They struggle to make it across the street before the light changes. They struggle with walking up the steps to the bus. They're daily life is their daily struggle. I have so much sympathy for these people. When you get to that point in your life what are you looking forward to? You can't possibly be looking forward to expending all your energy to make it to Walgreens everyday can you? It got me thinking about growing up and growing old. I think that growing up is more about growing up in terms of what we look forward to rather than growing in years. A 10 year old looks forward to having a locker in middle school. A middle schooler looks forward to being with all the older high school kids. A ninth grader looks forward to driving. A driving teenager looks forward to partying, drinking, having some freedom. The partying teenager looks forward to living on their own. The kid living on their own looks forward to someday living with someone. The twentysomething looks forward to a career, getting married, starting a family. We look forward to success in the business world, seeing our kids succeed, retiring comfortably, getting our handicap down in golf, seeing our grandkids at the holidays. We outgrow what we look forward to and that is how we mature. This would explain why some people are content living the college life until they're balding-they haven't outgrown what they look forward to and until they do, they're not going to move on. It saddenned me to think of what these old people, the wisest and most experienced people in our society, look forward to. If they don't have any grandchildren or they're grandchildren are far away. If most of their friends have passed away, if their significant other has passed away. Do they look forward to death? Life is a struggle and they've survived to live into their old age, and when they arrive there, all that awaits them is whatever comes after death. That thought, as a 22 year old, is so strange, so foreign and incomprehensible. I've still got all these things to look forward to 50, 60 years of goals to accomplish, people to meet, people to love, and places to visit. I can only hope I die before daily life becomes a struggle. I hope I raise a loving family and I hope I'm the cool granddad that can still talk music with the grandkids and can come up with good gifts for them at Christmas despite being 50, 60 years older than them. Hands down, the guiltiest I've ever felt in my entire life about any action I've ever done-and I've done a lot of stupid shit-is not visiting my Grandma Smola enough before she passed away. To know that what she looked forward to everyday was the next time she'd get to see us, and to think we didn't want to visit her because nursing homes made us uncomfortable, makes me sick to my stomach with guilt. To know that one extra visit would've increased her quality of life towards the end exponentially-and that I didn't make the flight up there, kills me. And she was a really cool grandmother. I hope my grandchildren want to visit, I hope I die before my health gets the best of me. Finally, to the guy in the suit huffing and puffing while the 80 year old woman gets out her CTA pass-BUY A FUCKING CAR. I see that shit everyday on the bus and everytime wanna kick the shit out of the guy. You can afford a 1,000 dollar suit, you don't need to be riding the bus, and god forbid some grandmother make you ten minutes late for your meeting. Have some compassion.
Lyric of The Day:
"Heaven, heaven is a place, a place where nothing, nothing ever happens."
-The Talking Heads

the grind

Sometimes the daily monotony of things gets to be really difficult. It's not like undergrad where you had this week or so a month where you had to work a lot, had a few tests within a couple days and had some stupid drama going on in your life on top of it all. You're either in route to school, in class, or studying between classes from 8-5 everyday. You get home, chill out for a minute, read for an hour or so, cook dinner, and read for the rest of the night. It's a constant thing and it really fucking gets to you sometimes. I have a feeling one of the few friends I've made at school is struggling with it all. I seriously like the girl as much as you can possibly like a girl not on the market. She's wicked cool and is working really hard and I really hope she sticks with it. I hope she understands that we all get to that point where we're on the brink of cracking. There've been nights where I've hated every letter of every word of every sentence I've read for the entire night. I've had nights where I wanted to hop a plane, go back to athens, and get back to managing and cooking at Locos. I've gotten to the point where things have become so stressful that I had that panic feeling I hated from undergrad years. I've felt like going out and getting blackout drunk. I've felt like crying, yelling, quitting, leaving and we're only just past the month mark. I mean it's gonna get harder, not easier, and there's no simple way to tell someone that you want them to stick with it. Especially when it's for selfish reasons-they're one of you're few friends at school, they're one of the few cool people you've met, they're one of the few people you can talk to about the struggles of the first year. It's self-centered, selfish reasons, but seriously kid, if you ever read this, you're one of like 4 cool people in our section and we need more lawyers like you. I don't know, it's hard to know that someone you've gotten close to is struggling. I struggled like a week ago, and will probably be struggling next week, it's okay, we'll get through it and we'll be better for it. Everyone struggles sometimes, it's part of the process.
Lyric:
"Heaven, heaven is a place, a place where nothing, nothing ever happens."
-The Talking Heads

The Abortion Issue

Not all of these entries can be about bland daily routine or sappy superficial insites to the ways of the world. Once in a while I just have to get political. I learned something interesting today in law school. I've learned a lot, not much is interesting to most people. This should be. How many times has the Supreme Court had the opportunity to repeal Roe v. Wade? Basically, how many cases have come up in which the Court had the opportunity to limit its previous findings? The answer. 31. There have been 31 times in which the Court could've limited the power of Roe v. Wade and they haven't. For those conservatives out there, they won't-ever. I don't care if John Roberts is confirmed and Clarence Thomas is cloned and confirmed to replace O'Connor. Anyone with the intelligence to reach the Supreme Court has the intelligence to seperate their religious beliefs from their job. I like John Roberts. He's ridiculously intelligent, he's got a ton of experience arguing cases in front of the Supreme Court and people, let's face it, we'd all be lucky to have a family as beautiful as his. He has too much respect for the Court and for the Constitution to overturn or encroach upon that decision. I'm confident he will strictly interpret the Constitution and adhere to court precedent. I question George Bush's decision to elevate Roberts to Chief Justice. Roberts is 50, assuming he's a healthy guy, he should live to about 80 or so. He's getting a 30 year appointment as the highest judge in the land without any experience on the Supreme Court. But seriously, the guy is crazy charismatic. Hopefully his intelligence and respect equal his charisma.
So what is a concerned Conservative with a solid moral background to do about abortion? That's easy-vote Democrat. I mean honestly, why do people get an abortion. Three clear reasons I can pick out:
1) They're a teenager in a very conservative small town who feels like they'll be ostracized for becoming a teen mother. This can only be blamed on the conservative and religious nature of so much of small town America. Frankly, I think these towns and the people in these places should be ashamed of themselves for alienating instead of embracing teen mothers. Teen mothers don't have to be told they fucked up, they need to be helped and held by the people in their communities.
2) They're a career oriented woman who believes that having a child will end or ruin her career. Childcare in the workplace could solve this, or at least help to. I mean even if 100 women decide to have the kid because they know they'll have childcare, wouldn't it be worth it to the Christian Right. You think childcare in the workplace is an idea conservatives are comfortable with? I think not, it's something that Democrats would put on the table. A Conservative would NEVER allow this.
3) They're a woman living in poverty who not only doesn't have healthcare but certainly won't be able to afford daycare. The only thing a Conservative hates more than giving daycare to a career oriented woman is giving daycare to some poor black woman on the Southside of Chicago.
I'm pretty sure I've seen a couple of Christian Coalition commercials saying a childs life is priceless. It's not priceless. Saving the life of children has a price. That price is higher taxes to fund better healthcare and daycare for mothers that otherwise wouldn't have it. We pay higher taxes and a couple hundred, maybe even a few thousand unborn children are saved. Conservatives would argue that higher taxes are inefficient to the economy. You're goddamn right they are, but hey, that's the price of those kids lives. You think passing a law saying a woman on the southside can't get a safe abortion is going to keep her from getting an unsafe one from the deadbeat doctor whose had his medical license stripped and is operating from shitty apartments in her neighboorhood. Doubtful. Conservatives don't get this, not because they're not capable of getting it. They have this ideology about the law-that it should reflect the laws set forth by our religions and it shouldn't. Passing a law is so rarely the end all solution to something. It's so hard for liberals to articulate this in a world of 24 news networks. You'd think that with news on all the time we'd get a less superficial view of the ideologies of politicians but we don't. People have 30 second attention spans, people don't read any more. If a friend of mine got pregnant and wanted to get an abortion I would do anything, including babysit, change diapers and give her money so that she didn't have to go that route. I would beg her. Hell, if I were in a position to I'd adopt the kid. But if I was President I'd never ban abortion, because that's an "easy" remedy to a problem with no easy solution. It's a cop out. Fix the problem, don't say you're going to appoint judges that'll overturn the case to boost your approval rating. I could NEVER do that as a President because I know I'd be doing it for a vote, and not to truly help women who need it.

The Weekend

So I went out on Saturday night to a reggae bar. That was a pretty interesting group of people. About half white college kids/young professionals, and about half Jamaicans. The music was crazy good and the club was quite the place. I'm no dancer, but this place made me want to be. Sunday was spent doing work-literally the entire day, with a couple minutes break to catch some football. It was a good weekend. Little bit of partying, little bit of work. Some pumpkin ale to make it really feel like fall. This week shouldn't be too terrible, Friday is Clap Your Hands Say Yeah and I still haven't found some cool indie person to go with. Oh well, it won't be the first time I've gone to a show by myself. You never know, maybe I'll meet the love of my life. Probably not. Tylenol PM is kicking in, it's time for bed.
Lyric of the Day:
"So take me home, don’t leave me alone
I’m not that good, but I’m not that bad
No psycho killer, hooligan geurilla
I dream to riot, oh you should try it
R. e. perot, get gold card soul
My joy of life is on a roll
And we’ll all be the same in the end
Cause then you’re on your own
Then you’re on your own"
-Blur On Your Own

I'm glad my intellect has already been challenged, and defeated a couple times in my life or being a first year law student would drive me insane. That feeling bothered me so much as an undergrad, I'm not going to fall into that trap again. Sometimes, you just don't get it. Sometimes, you're just wrong. Oh well, tommorrow's another day. I've been pretty good with most of the material up to today and I'll bounce back. I'm too tired to be reflective or creative.
Lyric of the Day
"Karma police, arrest this man."
-Radiohead Karma Police

Glow

One night, over drinks, a friend that was on her way out of the restaurant business and leaving Athens said that when we were gone we'd "get back our glow." I was leaving a few months after her and had to endure the lifestyle of the business for a little bit longer. That's misleading though, I love the business. Being away from it for a while I've come to completely understand what she meant by "glow." The lifestyle, the lives we were living were fun, crazy and care free. Nights were filled with back breaking, high stress, high temperature work. Late nights, after we left that hot kitchen, we cooled down with gin and tonics, Coronas, Blue Moons and tequila shots. The only way to sleep after getting so jacked on caffeine to get through a day was getting so fucked up that you weren't sleeping anymore, you were passing out. It seemed for me and a lot of my friends that were in Athens and in the business for a long time that this kind of life was great. I would not trade those two years for anything in the world. Seriously. I don't think if someone was like "here's a ticket to a beach on the South of France, you can live in my mansion for two years" I would substitute it. Sure it takes the glow away but nothing beats a gin and tonic at 230 in the morning after a crazy Friday night. Something about sitting around until 430 in the morning, with a couple of friends is amazing. Something about the drive home that late, nobody on the road. The loneliness of a restaurant when you're there by yourself is depressing. But if you're there with one other person, just one, it's amazing. I don't know, there's something romantic about the emptiness, the darkness, the knowledge that tommorrow night it'll probably be packed again, but for now we can enjoy the silence. It's not romantic in a passionate, romance, I wanna fuck you on the bar sense, it's something completely different. The whole industry is intimate in the sense that you get to know the people you work with so incredibly well. Those late nights just add to how close you are to them and how intimate the relationships become. If you never have the privledge of experiencing it I feel for you.
That being said, those late nights, that stress, that town, that fucking restaurant, beats you down, chews you up and spits you out everyday. The emotion, the drama, the liquor, the guilt of knowing the stupid, dangerous shit you've done-it's hard. She was right, it takes away the glow. I think I've got most of the glow back. I know she does. I still can't sleep though.
Lyric of the Day:
"I went in to the liquor store, looking for a bottle,
of my favorite Bombay Gin, the answer to my problems.
But to my delight, the bottles were all taken.
Ah yeah, another heroes night."
-Mason Jennings Ulysses

What happened today?

• Falcons won tonight, won 10 dollars on that game. I also won my week one fantasy football game. It sounds so lame but Fantasy really keeps people in touch. I talk to Tim, Geoff and Jack at least once a week because of it.
• I heard "Tonight, Tonight" by the Smashing Pumpkins for the first time in a long time. That's an amazing song.
• I cooked a New York strip steak to a perfect medium rare. I ate that, along with some corn on the cob and drank 3 Coronas while I watched the Falcons game. I almost felt like a real live adult.
• I went to an IP Law Society meeting.
• I went to Constitutional Law, raised my hand, and did rather well. I went to Civil Procedure and hoped I didn't get called on.
• In between classes I ate and worked on school stuff with the usual crew in the 11th floor lounge. This one kid that eats with us would not get the clue. We shoot the shit for a couple of minutes right when class gets out. We eat, we converse, we laugh. Then we work. He didn't get the work part.
• I knocked out Torts in about 2 hours right after class was over. I did a less than stellar job of reading Contracts.
• My roommates and I figured out how we can listen to each others songs through our network in our apartment. This means we have like 7,000 songs at our fingertips at any minute. If we were to throw a party it would have hands down the finest music in the history of parties.
• I got on the 29 today on the way home. It was directly behind another 29, which usually means one of them is gonna switch routes. It was, of course, mine that switched to the 143 and I had to walk the rest of the way home. I walked across the bridge over the Chicago River and had the weirdest thought. If someone were drowning in the River, like a kid or something, I would without a doubt jump in-the bridge isn't high enough to really hurt me and the water is plenty deep. I just wondered what exactly I would do before I jumped. I would certainly take off my 60 pound backpack-tough to swim with that. Would i take off my shoes-that seems to be an unwarranted delay, but taking them off would certainly help me swim, so I could probably justify it. The real thing that troubled me was whether or not I would take my Ipod out of my pocket. If I did take out my Ipod, would that make me a bad person. It would certainly delay the rescue of the drowning kid, but only by a few seconds. Nevertheless, the kid is drowning and here I'd be taking out my Ipod. I decided (by the end of the walk) I would leave the Ipod in both my pocket and my ears. It would provide a killer soundtrack for the jump, especially if the M83 song "America" was playing. Not to mention, the kids gotta be saved, fuck the Ipod. Besides, I want a Nano anyways. This is what I mean by being an overthinker. Who thinks of these things? Me. But it doesn't matter, no kid is ever going to be drowning in the Chicago River-at least not while I'm around.
• I drank chamomile tea while I wrote this so I could fall asleep.

Lyric of the Day:

"And you know you’re never sure

But you’re sure you could be right

If you held yourself up to the light

And the embers never fade in your city by the lake"

Smashing Pumpkins Tonight, Tonight

My Favorite Albums

These are my ten favorite albums. They're not in order. It was hard enought to pick ten.

1. The Arcade Fire: Funeral- The best album in recent memory. Hopefully will redefine indie rock.
2. Outkast: Aquemini- Already redefined hip-hop. I know every word. This is hands down the best album in the world to cook to on a busy Friday night.
3. Modest Mouse: The Moon and Antartica- there are some bad, boring songs on this album, but the good ones are so fucking good.
4. Oasis: What's the Story Morning Glory- Will always remind of the drama of middle school and early high school, and how a little brit-pop could make things all better.
5. Weezer: Blue- This should be on everyones top ten, I don't care if every album they've made since blows.
6. ...And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead: Source, Tags and Codes- I never know how to categorize this album. Hardcore/emo/indie? That can't be pulled off by anyone, this album prooves it can be done.
7. At the Drive-In: Relationship of Command- An angry album from an angry band. They were so angry they broke up to form two much less talented bands.
8. The Coup: Party Music- Socialist rap. That's all I should have to say. And they put on a hell of a live show, despite the fact that no one was there.
9. Bright Eyes: Lifted, Or the Story is in the Soil, Keep Your Ear to the Ground-The man can whine but he can also write, and put together a 9 minute song that isn't incredibly boring.
10. Broken Social Scene: You Forgot it in People- There isn't an album out there where every song sounds as different as they do on this album. Some songs don't even sound like they're by the same band.

Notable Mentions: The Streets-Original Pirate Material, The Strokes- Is this It?, and Spoon-Kill the Moonlight.

Note: I have no old albums on here. I've grown to like Pink Floyd, The Band and Al Greene in recent years but if I had put any of those albums on this list it would've just been for the indie street cred.

Lyric of the Day:

"went through a skater phase. went through a raver phase. went through a razor blade phase. i guess i went through a hundred dollars a day. it was dark along the edges of the city but the light shined through behind the reinforced doorways. they're tipping over in the taprooms. theyre shooting through the ceiling and bleeding on the floor for sure."

-The Hold Steady

Lately

• Georgia games make me homesick.
• I can't stop listening to the band TV on the Radio.
• This homeless dude on the bus had the most faded and worn jeans ever-does that make him a fashionista?
• Who the fuck coined the term fashionista?
• People articulate nothing of substance well.
• Wednesday night, while I was studying, I had Itunes on random. It seriously played 15 consecutive great songs. The next night it played 15 songs, most of which were awful. Guess that's random.
• Stephen Jackson is gonna have a sick game against San Fransisco tommorrow.
• The only real reason I would ever morn the loss of Rehnquist (it's not like I knew the guy) is the fact that his briefs are the easiest to read.
• I've been in more elevators in four weeks than I had been in my previous 22 years combined.
• People say the most beautiful women are in the South-I think they might be in Chicago, I'm sure that'll change when it gets cold. I'm not sure though, I love a girl in a sweater.
• More songs should have the harmonica.
• Less songs should have the tamborine, yes, even Spoon.
• Handclaps seem to be trendy.
• Chicago is a great city-everyone should live here once. It's beautiful, it's fun, the weather is amazing.
• I can't believe I got out of Athens without an arrest.

Lyric of the Day

Put a stethoscope on,

You'll notic the beat is gone,

All that's left is hesitations from your previous life.

Architecture in Helsinkin, Need to Shout

Cracking

That good old feeling of being challenged is quickly evolving into that feeling of coming close to cracking. You know the one, where the anxiety is building up and you feel like you wanna jump out of your own skin. The one where just beneath your lungs is that tense feeling, that panicky feeling. The closest thing I can come to comparing it to is that feeling you get when you've been in a crowd too long and you just want to get out, almost claustrophobic I suppose. I'm not sure where it's coming from; maybe its the fact that I'm on my third printing of my goddamn rule synthesis, each time finding a tiny error in the citations. Maybe it's coming from the fact that I've been up eighteen hours. So this is law school. Don't crack, just go to bed.
Lyric of the Day:
"Fall is my favorite season, like falling to reasoning why you crashed from on high."
Okkervil River, Red

Sadness

Leaving doesn't make people sad. You can have a going away party, it is your right. Hell you can have three if you're so inclined. People say all the time "I'm so sad you're leaving." When I left everyone I know told me that. When you leave people give you cards, hugs, kisses, well-wishes, gift certificates, and anything else that could possibly accompany "goodbye." People shed tears, get choked up, get reminiscent. A lot of times the people closest to you don't really know what to say, don't know how to treat the situation. Leaving is a complicated thing but it doesn't make people sad. It's a chance to reinvent yourself, to change the aspects of yourself you don't like, to enhance the parts of you that you and the people around you like. Leaving offers the rare chance, perhaps once in a lifetime chance, to start anew. A new beginning is a lifesaver for a lot of people. Some days I place myself in that "leaving was a lifesaver" category. Other days I find that particular categorization mellowdramatic and cheesy, all the while realizing that some aspects of it were all too true and telling of a life I had fallen into. Leaving doesn't make people sad though. Leaving is a lot of things but it's not something to bring sadness. People leave all the time. I leave my apartment for school everyday. I leave school for my apartment everyday. I'll leave Chicago for a few days. No one is going to be sad, not my roommates, classmates or friends. People, friends back home weren't sad that I was leaving. The sadness comes from knowing I'm never coming back. At least not coming back as the person I was. Sure, I'll come home for a visit, and I'm sure I'll see a lot of those kids again, but when I see them I won't be who I was when I left. When I left, I left a lot of stuff behind. A lot of stuff I absolutely hated about myself. That stuff, that baggage, regardless of how bad it was, made me who I was then, but won't ever be who I am again. Since I've left I've learned more than I'd ever imagined about myself, about the world, about law (fortunately), about what it's like to not know anyone. I've learned so much that I'll never ever be the same. You just have to hope that the person they loved is the same person that emerges after you leave. You've gotta hope all that baggage, those habits, that lifestyle wasn't what they loved but that it was you. Just you, whoever that may be. If it takes leaving to figure out who that is, than so be it. I left. People aren't sad you're leaving, just sad that you're never coming back.
Lyric of the Day
"When I was drinking when I was with you,
living it up when the rent was due,
with nothing and no one to live up to,
you and me dying on the vine,
holding hands and drinking wine,
now i'm not the same girl i left behind with you."
-Hem When I Was Drinking

Schedule

7am: Alarm goes off
715 am: Shower, shave, brush teeth
730am: Eat a breakfeast-usually cereal mixed with yogurt
745am: Check email, weather, espn.com, class websites, cnn.com
800am: watch tv for a few minutes
820am: walk down to catch the bus
840am: Arrive at school, go to locker, reread case briefs, finish any last second reading
9am (930 on MW): Class starts, the most focused hour and forty minutes of my day
1040am: Go to the lounge, eat some lunch, read, discuss a few cases with whoever is there
130pm: Second class, an hour and half of focus
300pm: Locker, catch bus home
330pm: Get home, relax until 5
5pm: Read, brief, take notes, work on legal writing, whatever else is necessary
645pm: Dinner
730pm: Back to work, or to laundry, or to grocery shopping, or to whatever other chore needs taking care of
10pm: Work out, watch Sportcenter while I work out
11pm: Shower, watch a couple minutes of Late Night
12am: Bed or any last minute reading.
-It's almost like a real live life.
Lyric of The Day:
"Between the click of the light, and the start of the dream."
Arcade Fire, No Cars Go

Hotels

I will never hate to travel. I shouldn't say that, I do hate the airport experience. I've spent the first twenty years of my life flying for free, for which I'm grateful. People don't realize the downside though-the countless hours, days sometimes, spent wandering from gate to gate waiting for a flight. Granted, it's all worth flying for free and I love the experience of flying-it's just the waiting that has developed my bitterness towards air travel. I love hotels though. I walk by The W-a trendy Chicago hotel, almost everyday. There are hotels all around me and they're fascinating. The fact that they're this living place, this place that's always awake. There's always someone awake that can help you get a cab, help you with your baggage, or tell you a place to eat that's open 24/7. There's something comforting about that. Plus it's not even like one guy at the desk is up to check people in. At any big hotel you've got a couple bar tenders, some cocktail waitresses, a concierge, doormen, bell boys, around late into the night. It's a city within a city. Lost in Translation made me want to be in that hotel, be in that hotel bar. Granted, the guy falls in love in the movie which makes the hotel stay all that more glamorous but still. I think the source of why hotels are comforting to me is the fact that it's a place where it's okay that you're alone. In fact it's completely accepted that you are alone-you're traveling-you don't know anyone in LA, Hong Kong, London, New York, wherever you are. See, I think for me being perceived as being lonely or having no one to go out with on a particular night is much worse than actually being lonely or not going out. In recent years I've grown comfortable in my own skin. I don't mind being alone any more. It makes me crazy though to think of being thought of as lonely. That's completely shallow, I understand but that's just the way it is. I'm good to go, by myself, or with whoever happens to come into my life. I'm not lonely, and I certainly don't mind being alone anymore. So, to any high powered firm that may be reading this and need some guy to travel constantly and live out of hotels for a few years-I'm you're man. That is unless I'm married or something, it probably won't be as cool or nearly as glamorous as it is in Lost In Translation. And a little tough on a marriage.
Lyric
"Why everything that's supposed to be bad make me feel so good,
Everything they told me not to was exactly what I would,
Man, I tried to stop, man, I tried the best I could
What's your addiction?"
-Kanye West

City bitterness

Today, I realized why city dwellers are bitter. I got on the bus to swing by school and grab some books. The trip there was uneventful. I got on the bus for the short trip back and there was no seat, which is fine. I don't need to sit down, I wasn't carrying 60 pounds worth of books and a laptop like I usually am. The next stop, like seriously 600 Asian tourists, half of which were equiped with camcorders get on the bus to go to the Navy Pier. So here I am with 600 old Asian people who could not be more excited to be packed onto this shitty city bus. They felt compelled to catch the entire experience, including a number of close shots on my face, on their camcorders. Life's memories are so precious. I hope the folks back home enjoy the shot, from 18 inches away, of my face trying my hardest to force a smile while some dude's elbow jabs me in the ribs when we go over a bump. I felt like a real live celebrity. Though the trip was miserable and twice as long as it usually is, I got off the bus, walked a few feet and couldn't help but laugh. I'm going to try really hard not to be the guy that hates tourist, not to fall into that bitter city resident stereotype. I've been approached a lot for directions the past couple of weeks, and early on I was completely useless to whoever was asking. Lately I've been a bit more of a help and, I hope, in two or three years I'll still look friendly and approachable to out of towners.
Lyric of the Day:
"Just remember what the biker chick said,
that you're really alive when you wish you were dead,
and there isn't a god, or a heaven or hell,
life's a little old apple and a william tell,
reach out from down, wise up from town baby,
that's all she had to say
if you wanna get lost whatever the cost,
than you better not stay."
-Lincoln (not park)

Trouble Sleeping

I still haven't been able to fall asleep quickly. I've never been able to fall asleep quickly. I've always been an "overthinker" and I think that makes the prospect of laying in bed at night-with nothing to do, strange. When I lay down, with the lights out, with the books put away, with the day finished, I finally get a chance to think. I get the chance to go over everything that happened today, everything that's going to happen tommorrow, and everything that's going to happen soon. I think of how tommorrow is gonna be the day I'm gonna be smooth with that cute redhead in class, all the while knowing that I'm completely incapable of being smooth. I think of how I'm going to answer questions professors are likely to pose. I think about what I'd be doing if I were in New Orleans right now. I think about what I'd be doing if I were President. My mind runs wild with all sorts of things. Hell, I think about the trades I could make in fantasy football. The problem is, no matter what time I woke up, no matter how much or little caffeine I had, no matter how hard I worked out, I still can't fall asleep. I think it's because I genuinely enjoy just thinking. Not thinking about contracts, or the theory behind civil procedure or any of that. I just like to think about life in general. I day dream at night. It's not that I can't clear my head-I could if I wanted to, I just don't want to. I think that's one of the things that was so great about drinking, I could just forget stuff at night. Not because what I was forgetting were like these traumatizing horrible things that happened to me-they weren't. Alcohol was great because it just made me not want to constantly think. I could just lay down and know that I was gonna be quickly. I've all but stopped drinking, with the acception of Fridays and the occasional beer after work. So now I'm back where I started. Not being able to sleep.
Lyric of the Day
"I'll give you a nickel for your quarter,
malt liquor for you water.
I'll leave you drunk up on the rooftop.
I'm dancing with the moon, this song is for our salvation."
-Hope For a Golden Summer, a band that'll always remind me of Athens.